Regulation refers to how we manage emotions and employ behaviours in the pursuit of goals, wellness, and sense of safety (Paley & Hajal, 2022). How we regulate may be in our conscious awareness or not, and can impact overall wellbeing, relationships, and decision making. There are more or less healthy ways to regulate and, like all ways of coping, none are by default categorically adaptive or not (Eisenstadt, Liverpool, Infanti, Ciuvat, & Carlsson, 2021). Sometimes, avoiding a stressor is the healthiest thing to do (for example, spotting a bear in a forest). Others, avoiding can further exacerbate distress (for example, not discussing a problem that’s been gnawing away at you at work). It really depends on the circumstance. 

Healthy functioning involves the ability to effectively self-regulate and co-regulate in order to have a sense of self-efficacy, navigate life’s stressful events, and maintain (intimate) relationships (Panayiotou, Panteli, & Leonidou, 2021). What do these two terms mean? 

Self-regulation refers to what we do to exert control over our emotions or behaviours on our own (Rosanbalm & Murray, 2017). Some healthier forms of self-regulation can include crying, exercising, sleeping, journaling, intentional breathing, and connecting with nature. Some less healthy forms of self-regulation can include impulsive spending, consumption of drugs, overeating, and skin picking. 

Co-regulation refers to what we do to exert control over our emotions or behaviours with another (Rosanbalm & Murray, 2017). Some examples of healthier co-regulation can include venting to a friend, speaking with a therapist, participating in a group yoga class, cuddling a partner, and even petting your pet. 

You might be wondering, what does a healthy balance of self- and co-regulation look like for me? 

As with most things in life, context is important. When I meet with clients, I am careful to explore whether efforts to regulate are coming from a healthy place or not (e.g., reflect their values, who they want to be, secure attachment (see my previous Blog on Attachment); whether there may be avoidance of a deeper problem; or when they may be causing themselves harm. That said, an overreliance on self-regulation may look like self-isolation or shutting out a partner. Unhealthy co-regulation may look like an overreliance on others for validation or advice, risky sexual behaviours, or explosive conflicts. 

It is also important to me to understand the origin story of these self- and co-regulating efforts. Where might you have learned to regulate the way you do? How has this served you, even initially, in the past? How is this way of being not serving you now? 

For those struggling with achieving an effective balance between the two, there is help. As a clinical psychologist, I ultimately try to help clients determine an optimal balance between self- and co-regulation. Together we can identify more effective regulating strategies that, through practice, eventually become habits toward a more fulfilling lifestyle. 

References

Eisenstadt, M., Liverpool, S., Infanti, E., Ciuvat, R. M., & Carlsson, C. (2021). Mobile apps that promote emotion regulation, positive mental health, and well-being in the general population: Systematic review and meta-analysis. JMIR Mental Health, 8(11), doi:10.2196/31170

Paley, B., & Hajal, N.J. (2022). Conceptualizing emotion regulation and coregulation as family-level phenomena. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 25, 19–43. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10567-022-00378-4

Panayiotou, G., Panteli, M., & Leonidou, C. (2021). Coping with the invisible enemy: The role of emotion regulation and awareness in quality of life during the COVID-19 pandemic. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 19, 17-27. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jcbs.2020.11.002

Rosanbalm, K. D., & Murray, D. W. (2017). Caregiver co-regulation across development: A practice brief. OPRE Brief #2017-80. Washington, DC: Office of Planning, Research, and Evaluation, Administration for Children and Families, US. Department of Health and Human Services. 

Dr. Sara Antunes-Alves, C.Psych. is a psychologist in private practice who particularly enjoys working with individuals struggling with their sense of self, interpersonal relationships, and emotion regulation – especially as they are impacted by complex attachment-related trauma and family of origin issues. As a keen scientist-practitioner, she is passionate about research, and has published and served on review boards in the areas of psychopathology, its impact on functioning, and the ingredients of effective therapy. Prior to entering private practice full time, she enjoyed running a mental health program for at-risk students and serving as Adjunct Research Professor in Psychology at Carleton University, where she conducted assessments, psychotherapy, supervision, and outcome-based research on the efficacy of mental health programs. At CFIR, she also supports the professional development of psychologists-in-training by providing clinical supervision.  

Gaining awareness of attachment dynamics can empower individuals with rare diseases to enhance their emotional and relational well-being. The following strategies can help them cultivate healthier relationships and improve their psychological resilience. 

1. Recognize Emotional Responses 

Cultivating self-awareness about emotional responses is vital. Understanding how attachment styles influence reactions can help patients navigate relationships more effectively. For instance, recognizing anxious behaviors can prompt patients to communicate their needs openly rather than relying on others to intuit them. 

2. Communicate Openly 

Clear communication is critical in mitigating misunderstandings rooted in attachment dynamics. Patients should express their feelings using “I” statements to foster understanding and reduce defensiveness in conversations. For example, saying, “I feel anxious when my symptoms flare up, and I need you to listen” can clarify needs without placing blame. 

3. Seek Support Networks 

Engaging with support networks can alleviate feelings of isolation. Sharing experiences with others who understand the challenges of living with a rare disease can reinforce a sense of belonging and mitigate the effects of insecure attachments. 

4. Establish Boundaries 

Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for both patients and caregivers. Clients should recognize when emotional demands become overwhelming and communicate these limits to others, fostering healthier relational dynamics. 

5. Practice Self-Compassion 

Cultivating self-compassion is essential for emotional resilience. Recognizing that struggles are valid and allowing space for grief over lost normalcy can promote healing and self-acceptance. This practice can also counteract the negative self-talk often associated with insecure attachment styles. 

6. Embrace Narrative Flexibility 

Patients can benefit from reframing their narratives to focus on resilience and growth. Acknowledging challenges while also recognizing strengths can shift perspectives and enhance emotional well-being. 

7. Seek Professional Support 

Clients are encouraged to seek professional support tailored to their unique experiences. Mental health professionals can provide insights into attachment dynamics, helping individuals navigate their relationships and develop healthier coping strategies. Therapy can also help address cognitive distortions and enhance emotional regulation skills. 

The interplay between attachment theory, the complexities of rare diseases, and the psychological dynamics at play illustrates how attachment styles profoundly influence emotional and relational well-being. By understanding how their attachment dynamics shape their experiences, individuals can enhance their emotional resilience and foster healthier relationships. Ultimately, these considerations, combined with professional support, can lead to improved mental health outcomes and a more fulfilling life, despite the challenges posed by rare diseases. 

Iguaraya (Igua) Morales, Psychological Associate (Supervised Practice), is a bilingual psychologist (English and Spanish) with over 30 years of experience. She provides psychological services to adults, families, and communities, addressing challenges such as behavioral issues, emotional regulation, and psychosocial difficulties. Iguaraya uses an integrative approach, combining Humanistic (Person-Centered, Emotion-Focused) and Cognitive-Behavioral techniques, tailored to the unique needs of her clients. She also incorporates mindfulness and yoga practices to promote holistic well-being. In addition to her clinical work, Iguaraya Morales has a distinguished career as a professor, mentoring students and professionals in psychology and research. Based in Ontario, she is registered with the College of Psychologists of Ontario. 

References 

Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Erlbaum. 

Bowlby, J. (1982). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment (2nd ed.). Basic Books. 

Understanding the psychological dynamics at play can provide deeper insights into how attachment styles manifest in the context of rare diseases. By examining these patterns, individuals can take proactive steps to strengthen their emotional and relational well-being. 

Emotional Regulation 

Individuals with secure attachments typically possess better emotional regulation skills, which enable them to cope with the stress of chronic illness. In contrast, those with insecure attachments may struggle to manage their emotions, leading to heightened anxiety, depression, or anger. This emotional dysregulation can negatively affect their relationships, as they may react disproportionately to perceived threats or misunderstandings. 

Fear of Intimacy and Trust Issues 

Patients with avoidant attachment styles may have difficulty trusting others and fear intimacy, leading to a reluctance to seek help or share their experiences. This fear can prevent them from forming meaningful connections and hinder their ability to communicate needs effectively, creating a cycle of isolation and emotional distress. 

Cognitive Distortions 

Insecurely attached individuals may be prone to cognitive distortions, such as catastrophizing or black-and-white thinking. For example, they might view a partner’s inability to understand their illness as a personal rejection rather than recognizing it as a limitation of the partner’s understanding. These distorted perceptions can fuel conflict and deepen relational rifts. 

How Therapy Can Help 

Therapy can be instrumental in identifying and restructuring maladaptive thought patterns and emotional responses. By working with a therapist, individuals can: 

• Develop healthier coping strategies to manage emotional dysregulation. 
• Challenge cognitive distortions and reframe negative thought patterns. 
• Build trust and intimacy in relationships by addressing attachment-related fears. 
• Strengthen communication skills to express needs and emotions more effectively. 

Iguaraya (Igua) Morales, Psychological Associate (Supervised Practice), is a bilingual psychologist (English and Spanish) with over 30 years of experience. She provides psychological services to adults, families, and communities, addressing challenges such as behavioral issues, emotional regulation, and psychosocial difficulties. Iguaraya uses an integrative approach, combining Humanistic (Person-Centered, Emotion-Focused) and Cognitive-Behavioral techniques, tailored to the unique needs of her clients. She also incorporates mindfulness and yoga practices to promote holistic well-being. In addition to her clinical work, Iguaraya Morales has a distinguished career as a professor, mentoring students and professionals in psychology and research. Based in Ontario, she is registered with the College of Psychologists of Ontario. 

Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, posits that the quality of early caregiver relationships profoundly influences an individual’s emotional and social development. Secure attachments promote emotional regulation and resilience, while insecure attachments characterized by anxiety, avoidance, or ambivalence can impair relational functioning and emotional well-being (Bowlby, 1982; Ainsworth et al., 1978). Understanding these dynamics is crucial for individuals facing the challenges of rare diseases, as their experiences may shape and reinforce particular attachment patterns in significant ways. 

The Unique Challenges of Rare Diseases 

Individuals diagnosed with rare diseases encounter specific challenges that can significantly influence their attachment styles and relational dynamics. These challenges often stem from the uncertainty, social impact, and caregiver relationships that accompany their condition. Below are some of the key ways in which rare diseases may interact with attachment dynamics: 

1. Chronic Uncertainty and Anxiety 

The unpredictable nature of rare diseases often leads to chronic anxiety. Patients may develop an anxious attachment style, marked by hyper-vigilance and a constant fear of abandonment. This anxiety can manifest in relationships as a heightened need for reassurance or an over-dependence on caregivers, leading to a cycle of anxiety and relational strain. 

2. Social Isolation and Stigmatization 

Many individuals with rare diseases experience profound social isolation due to a lack of understanding from others. This social withdrawal can reinforce an avoidant attachment style, where patients may distance themselves emotionally or physically from others to protect their feelings. This avoidance can create barriers to building and maintaining supportive relationships, further exacerbating feelings of loneliness and unworthiness.

3. Caregiver Dynamics and Attachment Disruptions 

The emotional toll on caregivers can create complex relational dynamics. Caregivers may experience burnout, leading to either enmeshment (where boundaries become blurred) or emotional withdrawal. For instance, a caregiver may become overly involved, inadvertently fostering dependency and inhibiting the patient’s autonomy. Alternatively, if the caregiver withdraws emotionally due to their own distress, the patient may feel abandoned, reinforcing insecure attachment behaviors. 

The Role of Therapy in Addressing These Challenges 

Therapeutic interventions can help individuals with rare diseases recognize and address attachment-related challenges. Therapy provides a safe space to explore relational patterns, develop healthier coping mechanisms, and foster emotional resilience. Through approaches such as Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT), Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and mindfulness-based practices, individuals can work toward: 

• Identifying attachment patterns and their impact on relationships.
• Developing secure relational strategies to navigate uncertainty and social isolation. 
• Enhancing communication skills to express needs effectively. 
• Supporting caregivers in setting healthy boundaries while maintaining emotional connection. 

Iguaraya (Igua) Morales, Psychological Associate (Supervised Practice), is a bilingual psychologist (English and Spanish) with over 30 years of experience. She provides psychological services to adults, families, and communities, addressing challenges such as behavioral issues, emotional regulation, and psychosocial difficulties. Iguaraya uses an integrative approach, combining Humanistic (Person-Centered, Emotion-Focused) and Cognitive-Behavioral techniques, tailored to the unique needs of her clients. She also incorporates mindfulness and yoga practices to promote holistic well-being. In addition to her clinical work, Iguaraya Morales has a distinguished career as a professor, mentoring students and professionals in psychology and research. Based in Ontario, she is registered with the College of Psychologists of Ontario. 

When people think of pride, they often see it as a flaw—something excessive, even dangerous. But is pride always a vice, or can it sometimes be a virtue? At its best, pride isn’t about showing off or seeking praise. It is a deep, quiet confidence in our ability to act, a felt sense that we can shape our lives, make choices, and move forward with purpose. When we hold this kind of pride, the world can feel more open to us—we trust in our ability to take on challenges and follow through on what truly matters to us.

The opposite of pride is shame. We experience shame when our sense of “I Can” turns into an “I Can’t.” Shame makes us feel small, incapable, and stuck. It is the sense that we can’t do what we need to do, that we don’t belong, or that we’ve somehow lost our footing in the world. When people feel deep shame, they often withdraw, hesitate, and stop believing in their own ability to act. It is not just a painful feeling; it is a way of being that weakens us over time.

But just as too little pride can leave us trapped in shame, too much of it can lead us astray. When pride becomes overinflated, it turns into arrogance—a fragile mask that hides insecurity. And when we try to escape shame by refusing to reflect on our actions, we fall into shamelessness—a state where nothing truly matters, not even ourselves.

True pride is neither boastful nor careless. It is the quiet assurance of someone who moves forward, not because they need to prove anything, but because they know they can. It is the steady foundation that allows us to engage with life fully, with both courage and humility.

If you’ve ever struggled to tell the difference between healthy pride and arrogance, or found yourself stuck in self-doubt, consider what has helped you feel strong and capable in the past. What does pride look like when it’s at its best in your life? If these questions feel difficult to answer, or if you would like to explore these topics further, seeking out mental health services with therapist can help you reconnect with a sense of confidence that is both grounded and lasting.

Dr. Garri Hovhannisyan, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist in supervised practice in Toronto, offering therapy and psychological assessment services for a wide range of client concerns. He employs a collaborative and therapeutic approach to assessment, aiding clients in achieving self-understanding and personal growth. Integrating evidence-based therapy with insights from philosophy and cognitive science, he practices under the supervision of Dr. Brent Mulrooney, Ph.D., C. Psych., at the Centre for Interpersonal Relationships.

Bibliography

Husserl, E. (1970). The crisis of European sciences and transcendental phenomenology: An introduction to phenomenological philosophy (D. Carr, Trans.). Northwestern University Press. (Original work published 1954)

Merleau-Ponty, M. (1962). The phenomenology of perception (C. Smith, Trans.). Routledge. (Original work published 1945)

Merleau-Ponty, M. (1963). The structure of behavior (A. Fisher, Trans.). Duquesne University Press. (Original work published 1942)

We’ve all experienced this: trying to focus on a work task, school essay, or work meeting – but you simply cannotfocus on what you’re doing. 

“Why can’t I just focus on this? What am I doing wrong?” you might wonder.

Often emotions, and particularly anxiety or stress, are the main culprits (Pacheco-Unguetti, Acosta, Callejas, & Lupiáñez, 2010). We evolved to be able to shift attention in response to external and internal factors – for example, by internally narrowing your focus on a conversation, or an external occurrence, like a loud noise, capturing your attention – to navigate the world. This usually works to our advantage by focusing on important and relevant things. However, this can also hinder our objective if our attention is hijacked by something seemingly irrelevant or unknown. For instance, you may have a tight deadline for a high stakes work report that is inducing anxiety, and despite needing to finish it, the stress around it can prevent you from engaging as much as you want. And it may be happening unconsciously.

So, what can be done about this?

Awareness: The first step is to notice a potential a problem and identify it. If you can rule out factors like fatigue, then stress may be the issue. Reflect on potential sources of stress, whether it’s the task, other things happening in your life at the same time, or some context for the task (e.g., being previously criticized for the work task).

Self-soothe: Rather than brute-forcing yourself to complete the task, try stepping away for a few minutes to self-soothe. This can include deep breathing, meditation, a short enjoyable activity, etc. Try to avoid simple distractions, like social media, because while they provide momentary relief, they don’t actively reduce distress.

Neuropsychological evaluation: If you continue to find yourself struggling to focus your attention, you may consider a neuropsychological assessment to disentangle potential neurodevelopmental conditions–such as ADHD–and emotional factors that could impact your attention and productivity (Mueller, Hong, Shepard, & Moore, 2017). CFIR provides both neuropsychological and psychological assessments, either in-person or virtually, as well as follow-up psychotherapeutic support.

References

Pacheco-Unguetti, A. P., Acosta, A., Callejas, A., & Lupiáñez, J. (2010). Attention and Anxiety: Different Attentional Functioning Under State and Trait Anxiety. Psychological Science, 21(2), 298-304. 

Mueller, A., Hong, D.A., Shepard, S., & Moore, T. (2017). Linking ADHD to the Neural Circuitry of Attention. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 21(6), 474-488.

Dr. Peter Egeto, R.P., C.Psych is a psychologist and neuropsychologist at the Centre for Interpersonal Relationships. He provides psychological treatment, as well as psychological and neuropsychological assessments for adult clients with a range of issues, including mood, anxiety, trauma, interpersonal relationships, personality, attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder, autism spectrum disorder, acquired brain injury, and neurological conditions. In treatment, he practices primarily with an integrative therapeutic approach and draws on multiple strategies, including cognitive-behavioural, emotion-focused, interpersonal, and psychodynamic therapies.

Has anyone ever told you to “just take a walk outside to clear your head” or “go out and get some fresh air; it will make you feel better!”?  Recommendations to “get outside” when we are feeling overwhelmed or stressed are quite common, and oftentimes when we accept this advice, it works! Have you ever wondered why this might be the case? 

The diverse sights and sounds afforded by natural environments such as natural or urban forests draw our attention away the everyday commotion of our lives, allowing us to relax our bodies and effortlessly turn our curiosity and attention to the beauty of the world surrounding us. 

Research has been conducted that supports the psychological and emotional benefits of nature experience. Going for a walk in a natural or urban forest or simply sitting and breathing in the fresh air is a simple and effective way to reduce physical expressions of stress and anxiety, reduce rumination and improve mood as well as increase capacities for attention and cognitive functioning. 

Finding ways, even if only for a few minutes, to integrate nature experience into your daily life may provide additional support to your healing journey and overall well-being.  

Jimenez MP, DeVille NV, Elliott EG, Schiff JE, Wilt GE, Hart JE, James P. Associations between Nature Exposure and Health: A Review of the Evidence. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2021 Apr 30;18(9):4790. doi: 10.3390/ijerph18094790. PMID: 33946197; PMCID: PMC8125471.

Dr. Jennifer Bradley, PhD, C.Psych is a psychologist at CFIR. She works with individuals experiencing a wide range of psychological and relational difficulties including life transitions, anxiety and stress, trauma, depression, mood and grief, interpersonal difficulties, and issues related to self-esteem. Dr. Bradley is an integrative therapist with a particular interest in existential and relational approaches to psychotherapy. In her academic and research work, Dr. Bradley studies how spending time outdoors and our relationship with the natural worlds supports psychological health and well-being.

Trauma and Couple Therapy

Trauma and couple therapy is a specialized area of counseling that emphasizes how individuals can grow and heal within the context of their relationships, especially when trauma is part of the picture. 

While childhood trauma can shape a person’s ability to emotionally connect, communicate with, and trust others (MacIntosh, 2019), individuals who have experienced trauma also possess incredible adaptability and strength. Survivors who form relationships may encounter some difficulties with communication or intimacy, however, these challenges can also be considered as opportunities for growth and deeper understanding (MacIntosh, 2016).

Those who have experienced childhood trauma may face emotional regulation difficulties. In some instances, survivors may feel the urge to withdraw or shut down when emotions become intense. However, this is a natural coping mechanism rooted in past experiences. When they work on developing skills to better regulate emotions, couples can start to view their relationship as a space for healing, compassion, and emotional connection. Rather than seeing emotional moments as obstacles, they can become opportunities for building empathy and mutual support.

With the help of a skilled therapist, individuals can understand how past trauma influences current relationship dynamics and can tap into their inherent strengths and resilience, deepen their bond, and create a loving, safe environment (Platt and Freyd, 2015). If you and your partner are navigating the impact of individual or shared trauma in your relationship, therapy can help you both build the skills to regulate emotions, manage conflict, deepen intimacy, and restore connection in all aspects of your partnership.

References

Godbout, N., Runtz, M. G., MacIntosh, H. B., & Briere, J. (2013). Childhood trauma and couple relationships. Integrating Science and Practice, 3(2), 14–17.

MacIntosh, H.B. (2019). Developmental Couple Therapy for Complex Trauma. Taylor & Francis.

MacIntosh, H. B. (2016). Dyadic traumatic reenactment: An integration of repetition and enactment into the understanding of negative interaction cycles in childhood trauma survivors and their partners in couple therapy. Clinical Social Work, 45(4), 345–353. 

Platt, M. G., & Freyd, J. J. (2015). Betray my trust, shame on me: Shame, dissociation, fear, and betrayal trauma. Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy, 7(4), 398.

Elizabeth Waite, M.A. is a Registered Psychotherapist at the Centre for Interpersonal Relationships (CFIR) working under the clinical supervision of Dr. Jean Kim, C.Psych. and Dr. Heather MacIntosh, C.Psych. Elizabeth provides therapy to adult individuals and couples and has training and interest in treating couples who have an individual or shared history of childhood trauma. She also has experience treating eating disorders and issues relating to anxiety, depression, grief and loss.

Burnout is a condition that often begins subtly, like a small flicker of discomfort in our daily professional lives. It canmanifest as fatigue that lingers, low motivation and productivity with work duties or a growing sense of frustration, stress and dissatisfaction at one’s job (WHO, 2019; Maslach, Christina & Leiter, 2016). These signals are not always immediately recognized as signs of burnout, but they can indicate that something is out of balance in our mental, emotional, or physical well-being.

In times of being busy with many demands of life, the tendency is to ignore these signals because we’re still getting things done at work and juggling our personal commitments. So it can be easier to push through with the belief that we can handle it or that things will get better and we “just need to make it through this month.” But ignoring these cues can often lead to more intense feelings of exhaustion, irritability, stress, low mood and decreased motivation (Salvagioni, Melanda, Mesas et. al, 2017).

When noticing these symptoms, this can be a really good opportunity to reassess and engage with practical strategies to feel better and regain balance.

1. Recognizing the need for rest. This doesn’t just mean getting better sleep, but also taking mental breaks throughout the day like creating 15 minute breaks in our calendar, or periodically scheduling a day or afternoon off.
2. Awareness of boundaries. Sometimes we may push ourselves to meet the demands of others at the expense of our own well-being. Start by identifying where you can say “no” or delegate tasks. This may mean having difficult conversationsbut protecting your time and energy is key.
3.  Add self-care into your routine. This might include engaging in a small hobby, going for a walk, reading, or practicing mindfulness for a few minutes each day. These things may not seem ‘productive’ but they matter and can help to ground us and reduce stress.
4. Seek support. Talk to a therapist, a trusted friend/family member, or a mentor. They can possibly provide valuable guidance and compassion to alleviate the sense of self pressure and isolation that can occur when struggling.

Burnout is not a sign of weakness, it’s a signal that we need to prioritize our physical, mental and emotional self. The willingness to reflect, evaluate and make small changes to our day-to-day can go a long way in helping regain balance and ultimately improve our overall well-being.

Dr. Jamal Lake, Psy.D, C.Psych. is a Clinical Psychologist at the Centre for Interpersonal Relationships. Using a calm, compassionate yet engaging approach, Dr. Lake provides psychotherapy to adults for a range of challenges including concerns related to anxiety, stress/burnout, depression, ADHD and relationship difficulties. He primarily works from a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) lens but integrates other evidence-based therapies such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) and mindfulness-based techniques into his treatment.

References

Maslach, Christina & Leiter (2016). “Understanding the Burnout Experience: Recent Research and Its Implications for Psychiatry.” World Psychiatry15, no. 2: 103–11.

Salvagioni DAJ, Melanda FN, Mesas AE, González AD, Gabani FL,  Andrade SM (2017). “Physical, Psychological and Occupational Consequences of Job Burnout: A Systematic Review of Prospective Studies.” PLOS ONE 12(10): e0185781. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0185781

World Health Organization (2019). Burnout an “occupational phenomenon”: International Classification of Diseases. Retrieved December 18, 2024, from: https://www.who.int/news/item/28-05-2019-burn-out-an-occupational-phenomenon-international-classification-of-diseases.

When faced with a challenging or traumatic life experience, many clients often expect that “getting over it” is the goal. These instances, particularly those that are traumatic in nature, reshape how our brains process events, emotions, and relationships. Ongoing and fruitless attempts to reduce symptoms may in fact worsen one’s distress (Harris, 2006). While problem-solving strategies are highly adaptive in the outside world, they are not always applicable within our internal psychological worlds. The more time and energy we spend trying to rid of these negative experiences, the more we may suffer in the long term. Alternatively, compassionate healing recognizes that recovery is a process rather than a destination. Instead of erasing the past, clients are guided towards creating safety, self-understanding, and growth (Harris, 2006).

Though it’s natural for our initial response to distress to be “I want this to go away,” some clients benefit from altering that relationship with difficult thoughts and feelings. Though they are uncomfortable, they are approached with compassion and curiosity rather than the perspective that they are something to “get over.” We experience some form of distress on a daily basis, so allowing room for unpleasant feelings, sensations, and urges to come and go without struggling with them actually helps in reducing their frequency or severity (Harris, 2006). Once we can separate ourselves from our thoughts, we are able to see them as passing events rather than absolute truths. By this perspective, healing happens not by “getting over it,” but my embracing what is, while striving for what can be.

Erin Rehmann, M.A., is a therapist and psychometrist at CFIR. She is supervised by Dr. Mard Becard, C.Psych. Erin provides individual psychotherapy to individual adults with a wide presentation of mental health difficulties, specializing in anxiety, depression, self-esteem challenges, trauma, and emotional dysregulation. She utilizes an integrative and collaborative approach, primarily using person-centred, cognitive behavioural, and acceptance and commitment therapy. Erin also provides psychological assessments to adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder and Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. 

Harris, R. (2006). Overview of ACT: A brief introduction to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Retrieved from https://static1.squarespace.com/static/509ad2ede4b011ec832812ed/t/5b896b1870a6ad36f8841834/1535732505180/Russ+Harris+-+Overview+of+ACT.pdf