Perfectionism is often lauded as a desirable trait in the professional world, but it can also be a double-edged sword. While striving for excellence is commendable, an obsession with perfection can hinder career growth and lead to burnout. Here’s how professionals can let go of perfectionism and prioritize more meaningful career development and skills.

Set Realistic Goals

Instead of aiming for perfection, set achievable and realistic goals. Break larger projects into smaller, manageable tasks and focus on making consistent progress. This approach not only reduces stress but also allows for flexibility and continuous improvement.

Embrace a Growth Mindset

Adopting a growth mindset means understanding that skills and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work. Embrace challenges, persist in the face of setbacks, and view effort as a path to mastery. This mindset shifts the focus from perfect outcomes to personal and professional growth.

Prioritize Essential Skills

Identify the skills that are most critical for your career development. These might include leadership, communication, strategic thinking, or technical expertise. Invest your time and energy in honing these skills rather than getting bogged down by the minutiae of perfectionism.

Learn from Mistakes

Mistakes are inevitable and valuable learning opportunities. Instead of fearing errors, use them as feedback to improve your performance. Analyze what went wrong, understand why, and think about how you can do better next time. This approach fosters resilience and continuous improvement.

Delegate and Collaborate

Perfectionists often struggle with delegation, fearing that others won’t meet their high standards. However, collaboration is essential for career growth. Trust your team, delegate tasks, and focus on the bigger picture. This not only alleviates your workload but also fosters a collaborative and innovative work environment.

Practice Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes, and that perfection is an unrealistic standard. Practicing self-compassion reduces the anxiety associated with perfectionism and promotes a healthier work-life balance.

Focus on Impact

Shift your focus from perfect execution to the impact of your work. Consider how your contributions benefit your team, organization, or clients. Prioritizing impact over perfection can lead to more meaningful and fulfilling work.

Seek Feedback

Regular feedback is crucial for professional growth. Instead of fearing criticism, seek constructive feedback from peers, mentors, and supervisors. Use this feedback to refine your skills and improve your performance.

Celebrate Progress

Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Recognizing progress boosts motivation and reinforces the importance of continuous improvement over perfection.

Conclusion

Letting go of perfectionism is a journey, not a destination. By setting realistic goals, embracing a growth mindset, prioritizing essential skills, and focusing on impact, professionals can reduce stress, enhance their productivity, and achieve meaningful career development. Remember, progress, not perfection, is the key to long-term success and fulfillment in your career. Working with a career coach can help you target your focus towards enhancing your core skills and minimizing your perfection reflex.

Erin Leslie, career coach at CFIR and founder of EQFootprints is a Career Strategist and Leadership coach who will enable any professional or team to achieve their career aspirations through personal development, training and coaching.

Erin practices one-on-one and team coaching with clients and mentees across all industries. Certified in EQ-i 2.0 assessments, Erin specializes in emotional intelligence practices and tools to support a stronger emotional quotient in the workplace. Her emotional intelligence acumen harvested through 25 years as a business career woman in tech; combined with a tailored coaching style she has the intuitive ability to uncover personal or environmental barriers and help identify new goals for your business audience. Helping professionals, teams and newcomers with all aspects of business negotiation, personal branding, networking and business culture is not only a vocation, it is her passion.

By Camille Garceau, B.Sc.

Suicide is the second leading cause of death in Canadian adolescents and young adults (Statistics Canada, 2022). In 2021, approximately 18% of Ontario students grades 7-12 reported seriously thinking about suicide in the past year (Boak, Elton-Marshall, & Hamilton, 2022). Tragically, suicide rates are 6 times higher in First Nations youth and 24 times higher in Inuit youth than in non-indigenous youth (Statistics Canada, 2019).

How do you know if your teen is at risk for suicide? Suicide is sometimes an impulsive act, and attempts can be difficult to predict. The strongest predictor of a future suicide attempt is a past suicide attempt; other risk factors include difficult life events, social isolation, past trauma, mental illness, debilitating physical illness, and availability of means (e.g. firearms) (Bilsen, 2018). Although there is no one way to accurately determine the likelihood of someone dying by suicide, there are several warning signs that are worth monitoring. These include threats to end one’s life, getting the means to end one’s life (e.g. firearm, pills), having a suicide plan, talking or writing about wanting to end one’s life, expressing hopelessness and/or a lack of purpose in life, dramatic changes in mood, reckless behaviour, sleep problems, and increased substance use (see youthsuicidewarningsigns.org). 

As a parent, you are likely (and understandably!) disturbed and frightened by the idea of your child being at risk for suicide. This may make you hesitant to discuss the topic with them. You may wonder: will talking about suicide with my child “put the idea in their head”? Could it make them more likely to attempt? These fears, although normal, are thankfully unfounded. It is a widespread misconception that talking to someone about suicide will induce or exacerbate suicidal thoughts or urges (Dazzi et al., 2014). In reality, asking your teen direct questions shows them that you want to hear about their experience — no matter how distressing — rather than hide your head in the sand. Examples include “Do you have suicidal thoughts?”, “How often do you think about suicide?”, and “Do you have a plan to kill yourself?”. By opening the dialogue in a clear, honest, and courageous manner, you invite your teen to respond in kind. 

Fearing that your teen could take their own life can be terrifying, overwhelming, and isolating. If this is your experience, do not delay in seeking mental health care from a qualified professional for both your teen and yourself. A therapist can help you manage your emotions and help you support your teen during this difficult time.

All Canadians can access the 24-7 Suicide Crisis Helpline by calling or texting 9-8-8.   

Camille Garceau, B.Sc., is a practicum student at the Centre for Interpersonal Relationships in Ottawa under the supervision of Dr. Nalini Iype, C. Psych. She is currently completing her doctoral degree in clinical psychology at the University of Ottawa. She works with adolescents and adults in both assessment and therapy contexts. 

References

Bilsen, J. (2018). Suicide and youth: Risk factors. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 9, 540. DOI: 10.3389/fpsyt.2018.00540

Boak, A., Elton-Marshall, T., & Hamilton, H. A. (2022). The well-being of Ontario students: Findings from the 2021 Ontario Student Drug Use and Health Survey (OSDUHS). Centre for Addiction and Mental Health. https://www.camh.ca/-/media/files/pdf—osduhs/2021-osduhs-report-pdf.pdf

Dazzi, T., Gribble, R., Wessely, S., & Fear. N. T. (2014). Does asking about suicide and related behaviours induce suicidal ideation? What is the evidence? Psychological Medicine, 44, 3361–3363. DOI: 10.1017/S0033291714001299 

Kumar, M. B., & Tjepkema, M. (2019, June 28). Suicide among First Nations people, Métis

and Inuit (2011-2016): Findings from the 2011 Canadian Census Health and Environment Cohort (CanCHEC). Statistics Canada. https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/pub/99-011-x/99-011-x2019001-eng.htm

Statistics Canada. (2020). Leading causes of death, total population, by age group. https://doi.org/10.25318/1310039401-eng

Trauma occurs when the stress of a situation overcomes our ability to cope, and mindfulness can help us process this while better allowing us to regulate emotionally (Larsen et al., 2021). A key concept related to this is the idea of a window of tolerance (Siegel, 1999). Our window of tolerance is where we can still cope with what is happening, maintain regulation of our nervous system in a way that allows us to be grounded in the present, and behave in ways that serve our values and outcome goals. When dysregulated, we can move in two directions; towards a state of complete shutdown and disconnection with the world or towards an activated state of anxious thought and overwhelming fear that leads to a desire to fight or flee from a perceived threat. The state of shutdown can be seen in individuals who, when overwhelmed, move into feelings of hopelessness and helplessness and appear depressed or withdrawn from the world, unable to connect with others. When individuals move in the other direction, their anxiety propels them to attack others or run away from difficult situations to protect their sense of self and feeling of safety.

With mindfulness, we can identify the cues from our bodies and emotions to determine when we are about to move away from our window of tolerance. Mindfulness also provides various tools and strategies to help us move back toward the window of tolerance through awareness and non-judgment.

An example of a mindfulness-based practice I use with clients in a state of fight or flight is three-part yogic breath, in which awareness is drawn to feeling the rise of the lower, mid and upper regions of the abdomen as they expand. By placing the palms together with just the middle fingers touching while the others are separated, we can begin to notice if each of the regions of the abdomen is rising on the inhale. This awareness can foster a focus on the breath that can draw an individual back toward their window of tolerance. Over time, they can be encouraged to lengthen their exhalation relative to their inhalation, facilitating this movement from anxiety towards balance.

Conversely, when a client is moving towards emotional shutdown, mindfulness can be used to bring them back to their window of tolerance. A simple technique is to ask the client to allow their inhale to be slightly longer than their inhale. For those who find these overwhelming, gentle, rhythmic movements like gently rubbing a stone or rolling their shoulders up, back, and down continuously can help return the client’s basic level towards their window.

Mindfulness approaches can be integrated into any therapeutic modality but are integral to approaches such as mindfulness-based Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Our therapists at the CFIR can help you learn how to build mindfulness skills to process trauma and emotionally regulate it.

Mr. Jeffery Driscoll, B.SC., B.Ed., is a counsellor at the Centre for Interpersonal Relationships (CFIR) supervised by Dr. Ashwin Mehra, C.Psych, Psychologist. Mr. Driscoll is registered as both a teacher in Ontario and a yoga instructor and provides integrated therapy through a mindfulness lens to adults and seniors. Given his years of experience in yoga and education, he is skilled at helping individuals navigate life transitions or find greater career or relationship meaning and joy. He works with individuals who are experiencing a wide range of psychological, relationship and career difficulties relating to grief, life changes, aging, mood disorders, trauma, sexuality, sleep disturbances and interpersonal conflicts. He integrates mindfulness with Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT), Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT), Existentialist, Systemic, Adlerian and Psycho-dynamic therapy.

Reference

Larsen KL, Stanley EA. Leaders’ Windows of Tolerance for Affect Arousal-and Their Effects on Political Decision-making During COVID-19. Front Psychol. 2021 Oct 26;12:749715. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2021.749715. PMID: 34764917; PMCID: PMC8575779.

Siegel, D. J. (1999). The developing mind: Toward a neurobiology of interpersonal experience. Guilford Press.

Trauma is an emotional response to an experience of a stressful, frightening or disturbing event which is difficult to cope with and makes us feels out of control. A traumatic experience not only impacts our mental and emotional health but also our physical health and overall well-being (Quinn, 2023). A person exposed to trauma may feel a wide range of emotions during the event, after it occurred, and also for a long time afterwards. Such experiences leave an individual feeling shock, anger, overwhelm, helpless, shameful or guilty (Leonard, 2020). Below are three types of traumas that people may experience:

1. Acute stress or acute trauma results from a single unexpected event or dangerous incident. Examples of acute trauma include physical, emotional or sexual assault, being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, childbirth, serious injury or accident, experiencing a natural disaster, witnessing crime or loss of a loved one. Acute trauma also includes secondary trauma or vicarious trauma, which is defined by the indirect exposure or trauma from someone else’s trauma, for example, hearing about a traumatic incident faced by a friend or witnessing a road accident, learning of traumatic incidents through electronic media. The effects of acute trauma may last from days to months memories (DSM-5-TR). A few common effects are irritability, anxiety, disturbed sleep, concentration problems and intrusive memories (DSM-5-TR). 
2. Chronic trauma results from repeatedly being directly exposed to traumatic incidents or to repeated traumatic events affecting other people. Examples of chronic trauma include being exposed to domestic violence or witnessing another family member being constantly abused, being a victim of bullying, or participating in war. The effects of chronic trauma may last from months to years, making it hard to get through everyday life and impact how we view ourselves and others. A few common effects are anxiety, disturbed mood, feelings of shame & guilt, and trouble regulating emotions. (World Health Organization, 2019)
3. Complex trauma results from exposure to multiple traumatic events that may or may not be intertwined. It results from series of childhood experiences or repeated traumatic experiences during early development. Examples include childhood abuse, chronic neglect or abandonment, being exposed to interpersonal or domestic violence, racism or discrimination. The impacts of complex trauma on an individual may be long-lasting and may make them feel disconnected from themselves and others. A few effects are flashbacks of the events, memory lapses, nightmares, interpersonal relationship troubles, headaches and constantly being on ‘alert’. (World Health Organization, 2019)

Anyone can be negatively impacted by various types of traumas. They may have emotional outbursts, find it hard to cope with their feelings, or socially withdraw from others. Therapists employ different scientific and evidence-based therapeutic techniques to help individuals build resilience, process and work through trauma. CFIR-CPRI has many clinicians available to help you better understand experiences and emotions you may experience.

References:

American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Trauma- and Stressor- related disorders. In Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787.x07_Trauma_and_Stressor_Related_Disorders

Leonard, J. (2020, June 03). What is Trauma? What to know. Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/trauma#definition

Quinn, D. (2023, August 03). Trauma. Types of Trauma: The 7 Most Common Types & Their Impacts. https://www.sandstonecare.com/blog/types-of-trauma/

World Health Organization. (2019). Disorders specifically associated with stress. In International statistical classification of diseases and related health problems (11th ed.). https://icd.who.int/browse11/l-m/en#/http://id.who.int/icd/entity/991786158Lakshmi Mupparthi, M.A, R.P is a psychotherapist working under the supervision of Dr. Melodie Britt, C. Psych, at Centre for Interpersonal Relationships (CFIR) and practices a trauma-informed approach. She works with individuals and couples navigating challenges related to stress, relationships, trauma, conflict, attachment and self-esteem.

What do they entail and why would I consider getting one for my child?

Psychoeducational assessments for children and adolescents are comprehensive evaluations aimed at understanding cognitive, academic, as well as emotional and behavioral functioning:

1-Cognitive skills: These are mental abilities involved in thinking, learning, and problem-solving. They include things like memory, attention, processing speed, reasoning, and language skills. Cognitive skills are essential for understanding information, making decisions, and adapting to new situations.

2-Academic functioning: This refers to a person’s performance and abilities in educational settings. It includes skills such as reading, writing, math, and comprehension. Academic functioning also involves factors like study habits, learning strategies, and the ability to apply knowledge in different subjects.

3-Emotional and behavioral functioning: This encompasses how individuals regulate their emotions, interact with others, and manage their behavior. It involves understanding and expressing emotions appropriately, coping with stress and challenges, and forming healthy relationships. Behavioral functioning includes actions, reactions, and habits that affect social interactions and daily functioning.

Assessments involve a range of standardized tests, observations, and interviews conducted by qualified psychologists, psychometrists, or other specialists. They delve into areas such as intellectual abilities, learning styles, memory, attention, executive functioning, and socio-emotional well-being. By examining these factors, psychoeducational assessments provide valuable insights into a child’s strengths and weaknesses, learning needs, and overall developmental profile. 

Parents, educators, and healthcare professionals typically seek these assessments to gain a deeper understanding of a child’s learning and behavioral challenges, identify any underlying issues such as learning disabilities, ADHD, or emotional disorders, and formulate tailored intervention plans. Ultimately, psychoeducational assessments empower individuals with knowledge about the child’s unique characteristics, enabling them to make informed decisions regarding educational placement, accommodations, and support services, thus fostering academic success and emotional well-being.

Jean-Phylippe Provencher, M.A.,is a psychometrist supervised by Dr. Nalini Iype, C. Psych., at the Centre for Interpersonal Relationships (CFIR). Using a personable and engaging approach, Mr. Provencher provides psychological services to families by conducting psychoeducational assessments. Beyond determining the presence or absence of diagnoses, the purpose is to determine the best ways in which parents and teachers can support children to reach their full academic potential and thrive in their personal and family lives.

In a world where technology often leads us to feel more isolated than connected, a simple, eight-minute phone call to a friend or loved one can be a powerful antidote to loneliness and the stressors of daily life. This seemingly small act of reaching out can have profound effects on our mental well-being, offering a quick yet meaningful way to enhance our mood and strengthen our connections with others.

A study published in JAMA Psychiatry (Kahlon et al., 2021) sheds light on the impact of these brief, empathy-driven conversations. Individuals who received empathetic calls for just four weeks reported significant reductions in feelings of loneliness, depression, and anxiety. These findings highlight the remarkable power of human connection and the potential of a simple phone call to offer comfort and understanding on our busiest days.

The concept of an eight-minute catch-up call is not just about checking a box on our social to-do list; it’s about creating a space for genuine connection and support. Here’s how you can make the most of an eight-minute phone call:

1. Clear Boundaries: Setting a specific timeframe provides a clear beginning and end, making it easier to fit into busy schedules.

2. Focused Connection: Knowing there’s a limited time encourages both parties to focus on meaningful conversation, enhancing the quality of interaction.

3. Reduces Overwhelm: The brevity avoids the potential for the call to feel like a burden, making it more likely for future connections.

4. Avoids Missing Wrap-up Cues: With a predetermined limit, both individuals are on the same page about when the conversation will end, avoiding any awkwardness.

5. Encourages Regularity: The ease of committing to eight minutes can lead to more frequent check-ins, strengthening relationships over time.

Initiating the Eight-Minute Catch-Up:

Simply ask, “Do you have eight minutes for a quick catch-up?” This question sets the stage for a focused, meaningful conversation that respects each other’s time and commitments. In times of uncertainty or when the weight of the world feels too heavy to bear, knowing that someone is just a phone call away can make all the difference.

As we navigate the complexities of modern life, let’s remember the value of picking up the phone and reaching out. Just eight minutes can brighten someone’s day, deepen our relationships, and remind us of the joy found in simple human connection.

Laura Moore, MPsy., is an integrative therapist at the Centre For Interpersonal Relationships (CFIR) in Toronto under the supervision of Dr. Lila Z. Hakim, C. Psych. Laura provides psychological services to adults and couples experiencing a wide range of concerns. Laura has a particular interest and expertise in relationship distress, with an emphasis on interpersonal and couple relationship functioning. Laura has helped countless individuals navigate issues related to intimacy, fertility, sex, infidelity, separation and divorce. Additionally, her past research focuses on cultivating spousal attunement following traumatic experiences. 

Kahlon, M. K., Aksan, N., Aubrey, R., Clark, N., Cowley-Morillo, M., Jacobs, E. A., … & Tomlinson, S. (2021). Effect of Layperson-Delivered, Empathy-Focused Program of Telephone Calls on Loneliness, Depression, and Anxiety Among Adults During the COVID-19 Pandemic: A Randomized Clinical Trial. JAMA Psychiatry, 78(6), 616-622. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2021.0113

Dr. Karine Côté, C.Psych.

The importance of asserting boundaries to promote healthy and sustainable relationships with others is more and more talked about in the media. Whether it is with your significant other, parent, sibling, friend or co-worker, being able to identify and assert your boundaries can be a significant skill to build. 

Boundaries are defined as limits and rules we set for ourselves within our relationships. They can be psychological, emotional or physical in nature, and require being mindful of your needs and limits within various situations (DBT.com, 2024). Boundaries can help you meet your interpersonal needs, promote closeness, limit over enmeshment, and increase your sense of self-efficacy. 

Here are a few key ingredients to keep in mind to help you establish and maintain your boundaries with others.

Identify: Your thoughts, emotions and physical sensations represent a guide to your internal needs and limits. Being attuned to them and building your ability to understand their underlying meaning and function can help you identify your needs and limits. 

Assert: Your boundaries will have a much better chance to be respected if they are clearly expressed to others. Speaking in I statements and communicating when you and the other are emotionally regulated will also give you the best chance to be heard.

Clarify: Sometimes, the intention or the meaning behind our boundaries can be misunderstood by others. Taking the space to clarify them as needed will also increase your chance of being heard and respected in your boundaries.

Reinforce: When the other has modified their behaviors or reactions to respect your boundaries, giving them acknowledgment and showing your appreciation can help confirm they are on the right track in meeting your needs – and therefore reinforce these positive changes.

Repeat: In some cases, asserting a boundary once may not be enough for it to be consistently respected by the other. After all, we are all creatures of habit! Repeating the boundary can also help sustain the needed changes in your interpersonal relationships.

Asserting boundaries and engaging in satisfying, respectful and sustainable relationships can present with challenges at times. Clinicians at CFIR-CPRI are here to support should you need help in navigating complex interpersonal dynamics.

Reference

DBT.com (2024). Interpersonal Boundaries. https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/interpersonal-effectiveness/interpersonal-boundaries/

Dr. Karine Côté, D.Psy., C.Psych. is a psychologist at the Centre for Interpersonal Relationships (CFIR). Dr. Côté provides psychological services to individual adults and couples experiencing a wide range of psychological and relationship difficulties related to mood and anxiety disorders, trauma, eating disorders, sleep disruptions, and interpersonal betrayal. She works from a humanistic approach and integrates therapeutic techniques from gestalt and object relations psychotherapies, emotion-focused therapy (EFT), and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT).

As we have now passed the month of January, the initial shimmer of New Year’s resolutions might be starting to fade. It’s the perfect time to reflect on the delicate balance between rest and laziness – a balance crucial for our productivity and well-being.

Rest is not merely the absence of work; it’s an intentional practice, a vital component of a balanced life. Unlike the often guilt-tinged idleness labelled “laziness,” intentional rest rejuvenates the mind, body, and soul, fuelling our next burst of activity. It’s choosing to pause, breathe, and engage in activities that restore our energy. On the other hand, laziness can sneak up on us, a passive state where time slips through our fingers unproductively, leaving us oddly unrefreshed.

So, how do we cultivate intentional rest and keep the shadow of laziness at bay? The answer lies in mindfulness and deliberate choice. Set aside time for activities that genuinely replenish you. Whether it’s a quiet walk, a meditative hour with a book, or a friendly games night, make sure these moments are marked with purpose. By consciously choosing how and when to rest, we honour our need for downtime without falling into the trap of aimless laziness.

Also, it’s essential to recognize the signs of burnout. It might be time to reassess your rest if you’re feeling uninspired or perpetually drained. Are you truly relaxing or just ‘crashing’? Intentional rest should leave you feeling revived and ready to embrace your tasks with renewed vigour.

In this dance of life, ensure each step – be it forward in action or sideways into rest – is taken with intention. Doing so creates a rhythm that sustains, nurtures, and propels us forward. Here’s to mastering the art of intentional rest, making every moment – active or still – a step towards a fulfilled and balanced life!

Laura Moore, MPsy., is an integrative therapist at the Centre For Interpersonal Relationships (CFIR) in Toronto under the supervision of Dr. Lila Z. Hakim, C. Psych. Laura provides psychological services to adults and couples experiencing a wide range of concerns. Laura has a particular interest and expertise in relationship distress, with an emphasis on interpersonal and couple relationship functioning. Laura has helped countless individuals navigate issues related to intimacy, fertility, sex, infidelity, separation and divorce. Additionally, her past research focuses on cultivating spousal attunement following traumatic experiences.

Key Points:

• 1. Therapeutic alliance
• 2. Therapeutic fit
• 3. Compass for change

In the space of mental health, the importance of the therapeutic alliance is essential. It can be described as the trusting and collaborative relationship between a client and therapist that forms the cornerstone of successful therapy outcomes (Cuncic, 2023). This bond goes beyond professional interaction; it is a dynamic connection that fosters an environment where personal development and change can prosper (Ardito & Rabellino, 2011).

One key aspect of this alliance is the concept of the right therapeutic fit. Just as every individual is unique, so too are their needs and preferences in therapy. The right therapeutic fit is the interplay between a client and therapist where personalities, communication styles, and therapeutic approaches align. Like a tailor-made outfit, the right fit ensures that the therapeutic process is not only effective but also comfortable for the client.

When clients feel a genuine connection with their therapists, it creates a safe space for vulnerability, authenticity, and self-exploration – which serves as the greatest indicator of therapeutic success. A mismatch, conversely, can impede progress and leave clients feeling unheard, unresolved, or misunderstood.

Therapists who prioritize establishing a strong therapeutic alliance demonstrate empathy, trust, respect, active listening, and a genuine commitment to their clients’ well-being. The therapeutic alliance is not established overnight, however as clients navigate the often-challenging journey of self-discovery and growth, the therapeutic alliance becomes the compass guiding them toward healing and resilience. Research shas shown that the quality of therapeutic alliance acts as a dependable predictor of positive therapeutic engagement, motivation and clinical outcome – independent of the psychotherapeutic approach used (Ardito et al., 2011).

In essence, the therapeutic alliance and the right therapeutic fit are not just abstract concepts; they are the heart and soul of effective therapy. By recognizing and nurturing this alliance, clients and therapists co-create a transformative space where change and personal growth become not only possible, but probable.

Tips to make your therapy experience better include giving it a few sessions before deciding if the therapeutic alliance/fit feels right, not being afraid to ask questions about the process, making sure you feel heard, seen, understood and collaborated with, expressing your needs, providing feedback to your therapist, reflecting on your therapy journey, and keeping the lines of communication open about your changing goals and needs.

Natasha Vujovic, M.Psy, R.P (Q) is a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) at CFIR. She works with individuals and couples experiencing a wide range of psychological and relational difficulties including anxiety and stress, depression, mood and grief, relational conflict, trauma, life transitions, personality, body-image, marital and pre-marital, internal conflicts, family dynamics and self-esteem. Natasha is an integrative therapist pulling from psychodynamic/analytic theories and takes a collaborative and honest approach to session.

References:

Ardito, R. B., & Rabellino, D. (2011). Therapeutic alliance and outcome of psychotherapy: historical excursus, measurements, and prospects for research. Frontiers in Psychology, 2, 270. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2011.00270

Cuncic, A. (2023, November 30). Why a Therapeutic Alliance Is Important in Therapy. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/the-therapeutic-alliance-2671571

Welcome to part two! In part one, we answered three questions; 1) what are emotions? 2) Why are they so important? & 3) What are primary vs. Secondary emotions? In this part two, we will address how to identify emotions and needs. I want to give a little reminder that this is something that can be practiced, learned, and developed! It is completely okay not to know how to do this instinctively.  

How to identify your emotions and needs?  

You will probably hear a lot of people say that you need to cope with your emotions. I prefer saying that we need to be with our emotions. Being with our emotions, making a conscious effort to feel them and sit with them, will then allow you to identify them. If doing that is difficult, I suggest that you try using a tool to help, such as the wheel of emotions: 

There are two ways to use the wheel :  

1- Start at the centre, pick what you are feeling (ex: anger) and take a look at the different types of anger that we can tend to feel (go towards the extremity of the wheel).  

2 – Start at the extremity (ex: you feel empty) and work your way to the middle of the wheel to see what emotion is tied to it (ex: sad).  

I also suggest that you look at other emotions (ex: if you feel angry, go take a look at fear, sadness, etc.) to identify primary vs. secondary emotions.  
 

Lastly, keep in mind that this tool brings you into a more cognitive type of processing, so it is important to go back to sitting with your feelings once you have identified what they are (see how they feel in your body).  
 

Additionally, it is important to identify your needs at the root of the emotions and feelings you have. For example, we have identified that your primary emotion is abandonment. You can then ask yourself : “what do I need (from myself or from the other) to not feel abandoned?”. Once you have identified your need, you can then communicate that to the other person involved. Identifying this is important as it optimizes healthy well-being and optimizes healthy relationship with others.  

Dr. Mélodie Brown, D.Psy., C.Psych., is a clinical psychologist and co-founder of CFIR (St. Catharines). She offers psychotherapy for adult individuals and couples & psychodiagnostics assessments for adult individuals, in French and English. She also provides clinical supervision for students who are completing their masters or doctorate degrees in counselling/clinical psychology.