Perfectionism is a much discussed topic these days, with many books, articles, videos, and podcasts on the topic. Some of it is helpful, others not so much. One aspect of perfectionism I rarely see talked about are the different types of perfectionistic tendencies and what motivates this drive to be perfect. To start, it is important to identify what type of perfectionist you might be.
Perfectionism is a broad term for a wide-ranging set of beliefs and actions. On one end there are perfectionists that never miss a deadline, look and act very put together, and are the ones who complete any assignments (or work tasks) as soon as they get them. On the other end are the people with perfectionistic tendencies who avoid, procrastinate until the last minute, or get lost in the planning or research phase that they do not ever finish what they start (or do so under intense pressure – often last minute). Regardless of the kind of perfectionistic tendencies a person has, there is usually at the root of perfectionism, a strong fear of failure and a tendency to be very self-critical. What differentiates the perfectionism is the motivations underlying the perfectionistic-beliefs and actions that reinforce the perfection.
The 2-Types of Perfectionism: Motivations and Behaviours
The 2-types of perfectionism I will focus on are self-oriented and socially-prescribed. Self-Oriented Perfectionism, which is thought of as involving a set of high, unrelenting, and unrealistic standards that a person sets for themselves. People who tend to be more self-oriented in nature may be very aware of their self-critical thoughts, and judge themselves harshly, and use this as motivation (and sometimes punishment). People who are self-oriented perfectionists tend to be goal oriented, set unrealistic targets for their performance, and are strongly afraid of failing their own ambitions.
The second type, Socially-Prescribed Perfectionism, may involve those who have high, unrealistic, and unrelenting expectations, but these expectations come from others (rightly or wrongly) and are designed to try and keep others happy. For example, people high in socially-prescribed perfectionism may work hard to take care of others, win the approval of others, and are often very concerned with how others see them (ideally in a perfect way).
Socially-prescribed differs from self-oriented perfectionism in that beliefs and demands for perfection start with others expectations (think of a parent demanding to know what happened to that last 5% on a test), but become directed inwards towards ourselves. In other words, socially-prescribed are perfectionistic demands that are outside -> in; self-oriented are demands that are inside->out.
It’s not always easy to figure out what type of perfectionist category we fall into. In many cases we can be concerned with both what others think or our own goals. Sometimes, our expectations depend on the environment we are in and who is around us. We all act differently at work than we do out a dinner later with friends. Here’s a way I’ve found helpful to get at the issue of what kind of perfectionist you might be:
Ask yourself this:
“Who would you rather disappoint: Yourself or someone else (e.g., your boss, your employees, your parents, your friends, your kids, your spouse, etc.).”
Take your time, the first option that comes to mind is often the more accurate one. Pay attention to see if one option raises your anxiety more than the other. You might be ok disappointing your friends or a manager, but become upset or tense at the idea of not meeting a goal you set yourself (in this case you’d be higher on self-oriented perfectionism).
The main message is that perfectionism comes in different forms and flavours, largely depending on where our expectations come from (inside vs. outside ourselves). This also means that the expectations around perfectionism, regardless of the source, put immense pressure on us to be perfect. Unfortunately, perfection is not something that is truly attainable, which is why perfectionism is highly self-defeating. When we push ourselves to extremes to try to achieve something that is impossible, we end up with failure. Setting our expectations more compassionately and our goals more realistically and shifting our focus to the process not the outcome helps reduce the pressures of perfection.
Dr. Robert Hill, C.Psych. is a clinical and health psychologist at the Centre for Interpersonal Relationships. He provides psychotherapy for adults experiencing a wide range of mental health symptoms, including perfectionism.
References:
Hewitt, P. L., & Flett, G. L. (2002). Perfectionism and stress processes in psychopathology. In G. L. Flett & P. L. Hewitt (Eds.), Perfectionism: Theory, research, and treatment (pp. 255–284). American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/10458-011
