The holidays invite us to give, but often what we most long for cannot be wrapped or returned. In therapy, I hear how this season stirs both tenderness and tension. We want to create magic for the people we love, yet feel the pressure to perform it. Many of us enter the holidays carrying invisible expectations to host perfectly, keep everyone happy, and hold our own feelings together. Somewhere in the middle of the decorating and doing, our presence quietly slips away.
Presence is not about slowing life down to a stop or forcing gratitude. It is the simple act of showing up as you are. It is the deep breath before you answer a loaded question at the table, the eye contact that says “I am here with you,” and the choice to notice your own body before you push through one more event. When we choose presence instead of performance, we make room for imperfection, conflict, and tenderness. This is where genuine connection lives.
Tradition can help us anchor in that space. Rituals are not meaningful because they look perfect. They matter because they remind us who we are and who we belong to. Maybe that is the same meal every year, a quiet walk after dinner, or a bedtime story your children never outgrow. Let the measure of the holidays be not how impressive they appear from the outside, but how safe and real they feel on the inside. Give fewer perfect moments and more honest ones. The most healing present you can offer this season, to yourself and to others, is your presence.
Laura Moore, MPsy, is a registered psychotherapist at the Centre for Interpersonal Relationships (CFIR) in Toronto. She works with individuals and couples who feel overwhelmed by expectations, pulled between caring for everyone else and staying connected to themselves. Many of her clients are navigating seasons like the holidays while managing anxiety, people pleasing, family grief, parenting stress, or shifts in intimacy. With an integrative and relational approach, Laura helps clients make sense of their stories, set kinder boundaries, and practice showing up in their lives with more calm, connection, and choice.
