In part 1 of this blog series, we saw the challenge of expressing emotions and the shame that can come with it – and how it can impact relationships. Shame doesn’t just silence emotions. It disconnects us from our own needs and from those we love. When we feel shame, we’re less likely to voice our emotional experience. This can make it harder for our partners to understand us or respond to what we truly need. Over time, this can create distance and misattunement in the relationship, even when both people care deeply about one another. Naming shame is the first step toward healing and reconnection.
The first step towards de-shaming emotional experiences is normalizing them. It’s okay to
- feel unsure about what you’re feeling
- need help in naming and expressing emotions
- find certain emotions, like anger or sadness, uncomfortable or even frightening
The goal is not to eliminate difficult emotions. Rather, we want to develop a new relationship with them. One that allows you to recognize, understand, and respond to them in more helpful ways, that bring growth and connection.
What does this mean for couples or individuals? It means creating space for emotions without judgment. Listening to your own/each other’s feelings with curiosity and compassion rather than defensiveness. Replacing criticism with understanding and recognizing that behind every strong emotion is a longing to be seen, heard, valued.
By shifting from shame to self-compassion, couples and individuals can break free from emotional disconnection. The more we learn to identify and express our emotions, the more we can meet our own needs as well as those of our partners. Emotional fluency is not an innate language. It is learned, practiced, and developed over time. Just like any other language! And no matter where you are in your emotional journey, it’s never too late to begin.
Mental health services can provide the tools, space, and support for this process. In therapy, individuals and couples can safely explore their emotional world with the guidance of a therapist. Therapy offers a space to practice identifying feelings, unpack the needs behind them, and work through the shame that may have built up around emotional expression. With time and support, clients can begin to rewrite the narratives they hold about emotions, learn how to respond to each other with empathy, and deepen their emotional connection in lasting ways.
Daniela Levi, MSW, MEd, is a Registered Psychotherapist at CFIR, specializing in individuals, couple and family therapy. Her work focuses on self-awareness and strengthening interpersonal relationships through an attachment-based and emotion-focused approach. With a deep passion for the role of emotions in relational dynamics, Daniela helps clients navigate their inner experiences to build deeper connections with themselves and others. She is currently pursuing her Doctorate in Psychology at the University of Toronto.
