From pregnancy to postpartum, there are many emotional and physical changes one goes through on the journey into motherhood. The body undergoes significant transformation from the moment it starts working to sustain a new and precious life until well after childbirth. Naturally, this can lead to feelings of self-doubt and body image challenges. Although these are normal feelings, this experience can become overwhelming, especially in a societal and environmental context that puts pressure on mothers to “bounce back” – to return to their pre-baby bodies and selves. If you’re struggling to accept this new version of you and needing support – you’re not alone. There is help available. When working with new moms to address body image challenges, introducing a simple yet powerful tool known as self-compassion, can be very effective.
Research on self-compassion has overwhelmingly shown that it is associated with less anxiety, depression, and stress, and greater optimism, psychological wellbeing, and life satisfaction (Neff et al., 2018; Zessin, et al., 2015). It is also associated with greater motivation, healthy behaviours, and positive coping strategies (Allen & Leary, 2010; Braun et al., 2016; Breines & Chen, 2012; Terry & Leary, 2011).
When aiming to feel better, we often think that the answer is to improve our self-esteem or think more positively about the self. While this can be helpful, improving self-esteem tends to be a longer process whereas self-compassion is immediately accessible in painful situations and encourages a kinder, more balanced relationship with ourselves. Self-compassion is also simple to understand as it involves treating yourself with the same care and understanding that you would offer to a loved one in a time of need.
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion involves three components – (1) mindfulness, (2) a sense of common humanity, and (3) self-kindness (Neff, 2003; 2022). When we are self-compassionate, we acknowledge and stay present with our pain (mindfulness), normalize our suffering as a shared human experience (common humanity), and be with ourselves in a supportive and soothing manner (self-kindness). This definition of self-compassion was based on compassion for others as conceptualized in Buddhist philosophy (Neff, 2016; e.g., Brach 2003; Kornfield 1993; Salzberg 1997). The three elements interact with one another to create an overall self-compassionate mindset. We can use this positive mindset when external circumstances of life are simply painful or difficult to bare through such as coping the reality of a changed appearance and any negative thoughts and feelings that accompany these changes.
Let’s look at an example of how we can use self-compassion to support ourselves when struggling with negative body image thoughts and feelings:
- Be Present with and Acknowledge Your Feelings (Mindfulness): When we aim to employ mindfulness, we are turning towards the negative thoughts or feelings that come up about our body and stay in the present moment of our reality without judgment. We do this instead of avoiding or exaggerating these negative thoughts and feelings. We acknowledge what is happening, as it happens, without supressing it or getting carried away in it. This can sound like: “Right now I am suffering. I am experiencing a difficult moment where I am feeling down and thinking negatively about my body. It’s okay to feel this way”.
- Recognize Your Experience is a Shared One (Common Humanity): When negative thoughts and feelings about your changed appearance or body arise, pause and recognize that this is a completely normal and human experience. You are not alone in this suffering. Remind yourself that you and your body have done nothing wrong. Your body brought a new life into the world, and that is a profound achievement. Many moms find themselves in similar circumstances after having a baby. How would you speak to a friend sharing a similar experience with you? Can you offer yourself the same gentle understanding and validation?
- Tune into your Needs and Offer Support (Self-Kindness): After acknowledging your thoughts and feelings, and noting these to be part of a shared human experience, ask yourself: “What do I need right now?” “How can I support myself and be kind to myself in this difficult moment?” For example, you might need rest, comfort, connection, care, or permission to slow down. How can you honor your needs right now in a kind and gentle way?
By practicing self-compassion, new moms can foster a healthier, more loving relationship with their bodies and selves. Rather than focusing on problem-solving or fixing our changed selves or appearances, self-compassion allows for self-acceptance, helping to build confidence and body positivity during the postpartum period.
Samantha Szirmak, MPsy., R.P. is a Registered Psychotherapist at the Centre for Interpersonal Relationships (CFIR). Samantha provides psychotherapy services to individual adults and adolescents experiencing a wide range of concerns including mood, anxiety, identity/self-worth, trauma, eating/body image, grief, and relationship issues. She utilizes an integrative therapy style that blends theory and techniques from compassion-focused, experiential, psychodynamic, and cognitive therapy approaches. She has a special interest in supporting and working with pregnant and post-partum women navigating this important life transition.
References
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Brach, T. (2003). Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha. Bantam
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Braun, T. D., Park, C. L., & Gorin, A. (2016). Self-compassion, body image, and disordered eating: A review of the literature. Body image, 17, 117–131.
Kornfield, J. (1993). A path with heart. New York: Bantam Books.
MacBeth, A., & Gumley, A. (2012). Exploring compassion: a meta-analysis of the association between self-compassion and psychopathology. Clinical Psychology Review, 32(6), 545–552.
Neff, K. D. (2003a). Self-compassion: an alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2, 85–102.
Neff, K. D. (2016). The Self-Compassion Scale is a valid and theoretically coherent measure of self-compassion. Mindfulness, 7(1), 264-274.
Neff, K. D., Long, P. Knox, M., Davidson, O., Kuchar, A., Costigan, A., Williamson, Z., Rohleder, N., Tóth-Király, I., & Breines, J. (2018). The forest and the trees: Examining the association of self-compassion and its positive and negative components with psychological functioning. Self and Identity, 17(6), 627-645.
Neff, K. D. (2022). Self-compassion: Theory, method, research, and intervention. Annual Review of Psychology, 74(1).
Salzberg, S. (1997). Lovingkindness: The revolutionary art of happiness. Boston: Shambala
Terry, M. L., & Leary, M. R. (2011). Self-compassion, self-regulation, and health. Self and Identity, 10, 352–362.
Zessin, U., Dickhäuser, O., & Garbade, S. (2015). The relationship between self‐compassion and well‐being: A meta-analysis. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, 7(3), 340–364.
