A restaurant in the U.K. recently announced it will be banning the use of mobile devices in their establishment on February 14 in an effort “to refocus diners on the food and experience”. This move has generated a bit of online buzz and has turned attention to how preoccupied society is becoming with the world-wide-web and more specifically, social media. In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, we recently asked, Dr. Tracy Dalgliesh C. Psych. “Can social media outlets have an impact on our romantic relationships? What are some positive ways to use them (or not) on Valentine’s Day?“. 

Here’s her response: 

Social media becomes problematic when we use it to turn away from our partner, resulting in decreased connection and communication. Instead of working through an argument and engaging in a difficult conversation, you turn to scrolling through social media. This is an avoidance strategy, and we know from couples research that shutting down (i.e., stonewalling) is a type of communication that can result in long-term couple distress.² (For more on the four communication styles that predict the dissolution of a relationship, see https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/. Recent research suggests that excessive use of devices leads to lower relationship satisfaction.¹ This is even truer for partners with anxious attachment (i.e., they fear that they are unlovable or unworthy). Other examples may include messaging friends over talking to your partner, checking your phone in the middle of a conversation with your partner, or sharing fun and exciting information with others online and not your lover. 

Individuals fall into the trap of the comparing themselves and their relationships to what they see on social media. Profiles often portray the happiest moments – and these are often posed images. They do not display the challenges that couples all face. Frequently seeing these stylized and selected images can impact how you view your own relationship. Thoughts of “why aren’t we that happy?” or “we never do anything exciting” may arise and create negative feelings towards your relationship and partner. This negative filter may then lead to thoughts of “I could be happier with someone else,” further contributing to dissatisfaction. 

Social media can also impact one’s feelings of jealousy and insecurity. All of the platforms for social media offer easy ways to connect with others privately. This becomes a problem when it is done in secret, or when connecting with someone else feels good and you are putting more energy into that connection than with your partner. A negative feedback loop can also start, where jealousy leads to snooping, which further exacerbates feelings of jealousy. In some situations, social media can lead to infidelity. 

While social media can present with its challenges for couples, I do believe that it can be used in a healthy manner – where couples can build and enhance their connection. Here are some tips on how to use social media this Valentine’s Day to enhance your relationship:

• Set limits on the time that you are on your devices. Agree to put the phones on silent in another room (e.g., from 7pm-9pm) on Valentine’s Day (and maybe every day!).
• Send a message letting your partner know you are thinking of them or excited to see them at the end of the day. We long to know that we matter to the ones we love, so let your partner in on your feelings.
• Send a good morning or good night love meme.
• Share a memory or article with your partner that you found on your social media outlet and use it to get to know the other person’s opinions and desires.
• If scrolling and connecting is part of your time together, take a break and talk about what you each found interesting. Ask open-ended questions, like “What did you find most surprising to read today?” or “What emotions did you feel while seeing X.”

1. James A. Roberts, J. A., & David, M. E. (2016). My life has become a major distraction from my cell phone: Partner phubbing and relationship satisfaction among romantic partners. Computers in Human Behavior, 54, 134-141. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2015.07.058.

2. Gottman, J. M., & Krokoff, L. J. (1989). Marital interaction and satisfaction: A longitudinal view. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 57, 47-52.

Read more about our Relationship & Sex Therapy Service.

For some, Valentine’s Day is synonymous with flowers, candy, romantic evenings, sentimental greeting cards and couples expressing love (or strong “like”!). With this holiday right around the corner, we took a moment to ask CFIR Psychotherapist, Joshua Peters, M.A., R.P, “What tips can you offer to help single people who want to enjoy the day without focusing on being uncoupled?”.  Here’s his response: 

Valentine’s Day can be a difficult time for those who find themselves single on a holiday that celebrates romantic relationships. However, fear not, you can still find many great ways to celebrate this holiday that don’t involve finding or having a romantic partner. Here are a few tips for enjoying the day – as a single person:

• Reach out to your other single friends to connect and enjoy these relationships. After all, creating strong social ties is one of the best ways we can maintain our happiness — and this doesn’t mean having a romantic partner. 
• Be inventive! In recent years, many individuals have created “Anti-Valentine’s Day” or “Singles Awareness Day” celebrations. It can sometimes be a fun way to shake off any Valentine’s blues while also making light the holiday a bit lighter and fun. 
• Treat yourself! Splurge on that nice bottle of wine (or non-alcoholic sparkling cider) and a great meal. You deserve it and learning to do this for yourself can help you grow as a person.
• Self-Care Extravaganza! Start your day off right by trying one of the many mindfulness activities you can find online (there are some great options here) or try a new physical activity (go to the gym, try out that yoga class you’ve been wondering about, or go for a hike at a park you’ve never been too). 
• Challenge yourself! Try something new to broaden your experience of Valentine’s Day – let it be the start of something new in your life.
• Most importantly, let yourself experience whatever emotions you’re having! Try your best to label each experience (Sadness, happiness, excitement, hurt, pain, etc.) and provide yourself some time to journal at some point during the day about these experience. Your emotions are important and deserve to be explored.

If you can engage with even one of these activities you should consider it a success. Being single on Valentine’s Day isn’t always easy — but that doesn’t mean you can’t incorporate some fun activities.  

Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a form of psychotherapy that addresses psychological issues by focusing primarily on the cognitive and behavioural dimensions of your emotional and behavioural concerns (i.e., the way that your thoughts, beliefs or thinking influences your emotional and behavioural responses). CBT also focuses on problem solving, finding solutions, improving coping, helping clients to challenge distorted cognitions (e.g., thoughts, beliefs) and change problematic behaviours. Your emotional or behavioural responses are also changed through exposure to specific situations, cues, narratives or places that trigger distress and maladaptive responses. Homework is often assigned.

Different treatments focus on different aspects of your concerns, including behaviours, cognitions, emotions, perceptions, and relationships. The psychologists, psychotherapists and counsellors working through CFIR are trained and skilled in providing various types of psychological treatments. They are also dedicated to discovering what will work best for you. Contact us today to book your initial appointment or to arrange a free 30-minute consultation.

It is estimated that 1 in 5 Canadians will experience mental health difficulties each year (https://cmha.ca/media/fast-facts-about-mental-illness/). These high rates suggest that not only is it important to recognize the symptoms of mental health difficulties, but it is equally important to be aware of treatment options. Treatment for mental health disorders may include self-help (e.g., books, apps, peer support), medication, individual, couple, or group psychotherapy, or a combination of medication and therapy. 

When considering treatment options, recent research indicates that patients with depressive and anxiety disorders were more likely to refuse medication, and more likely to engage in psychotherapy.(1) The researchers thought that this is due to patients recognizing that their problem may not only be biological and that there are no quick fixes for mental health. This is really important data – it tells health care providers and patients that psychotherapy should be offered as front-line treatment. 

Psychology Month, which takes place in February, is a month devoted to highlighting how psychology can help others live a healthy and happy life, improve workplace environments, and help governments to develop good policies (see http://www.cpa.ca/psychologymonth/). In celebration of this month, here are five things to know about seeking treatment through psychotherapy. 

1.  Acknowledge when you need help. It can be really hard to say to ourselves, “okay, I need help.” Naturally, we will try everything we can before we seek help from others. I understand needing psychological help as the equivalent of needing to expand our toolbox. It’s like trying to dig out of a hole when all you have is a shovel. So, what do you keep doing with only a shovel? You keep digging, and digging, and digging, only to keep getting stuck. Give yourself permission that it is okay to need help – and that identifying this is, in fact, a true strength. Once you have begun to see this, don’t wait! Don’t wait until you are no longer able to go to work or see friends. 

2.  Find a good match – and then be authentic. The old adage of “if at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again” is applicable to finding the right therapist. Psychologists and psychotherapists work from many different treatment models, including cognitive-behavioural therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, emotion-focused, psychodynamic, and integrative models of treatment. (For more information on what these models look like, check out https://cfir.ca/DifferentTreatmentsArticle.php). Therapists will also have their own style with clients. The fundamental piece of finding a good therapist is that you feel connected, understood, and validated by the therapist. We know that a large factor of change that happens in therapy comes from the relationship you have with your therapist.(2) If you do not feel a good relationship within the first few sessions, try addressing it with the therapist, or don’t be afraid to find someone else. Be sure to maintain an open and authentic stance with them – share your thoughts and feelings to help them get to know all of you so that together you can make meaningful change. 

3.  Try out new skills and tools. The media often shows a typical therapist in a sweater vest, sitting in a chair with glasses and a notepad, while their patient lies on a couch and stares at the ceiling. Psychotherapy has greatly changed with the increasing use of tools over and above talk therapy, including learning to calm the nervous system with breathing and mindfulness techniques, challenging unhelpful thoughts or processing difficult emotions, and learning communication tools. Therapy also looks to explore and understand your current perceptions and emotions, and how these relate to your early experiences. This can help to understand key themes contributing to your difficulties today. We are complex beings – with a history of experiences with parents and caregivers, friendships and romantic relationships, and bosses and employers. We carry our early experiences with us, like packaged up suitcases. But sometimes we don’t look in the old luggage to understand it – so we stay stuck. Once you learn new tools and gain new insight, apply these to your everyday life to help make changes.(3)  

4.   It will get harder before it gets better. Clients often feel a sense of relief following the first or second session when they begin to tell their story, acknowledge that they need help, and feel understood by another person. However, therapy can become more challenging as one begins to make changes or is faced with identifying their difficulties or beliefs that are contributing to them getting stuck. 

5.  Change takes time – so stick with it. Research shows that over fifty percent of clients see improvements in their difficulties with an average of 12 sessions.(4) Change does not happen immediately, and it will depend on the severity and chronicity of symptoms. A client once disclosed frustration after several sessions, stating that she “should already be better,” and that she must be a failure if she has not already improved. Change in psychotherapy is not black or white – nor is it a pass or fail. Allow yourself to get stuck and experience the difficulties that are coming up from therapy, and recognize some of the small pieces that are changing in your life. 

To find out more information about seeking services from a psychologist or psychotherapist at CFIR, visit https://cfir.ca/WhatToExpect.php .

REFERENCES

1. Swift, J.K., Greenberg, R.P., Tompkins, K.A., & Parkin, S.R. (2017). Treatment refusal and premature termination in psychotherapy, pharmacotherapy, and their combination: A meta-analysis of head-to-head comparisons. Psychotherapy, 54, 47-57.

2. Wampold, B. E. (2015). How important are the common factors in psychotherapy? An update. World Psychiatry, 14(3), 270-277.

3. Ronan, K. R., & Kazantzis, N. (2006). The use of between-session (homework) activities in psychotherapy: Conclusions from the Journal of Psychotherapy. Journal of Psychotherapy Integration, 16(2), 254-259.

4. Hansen, N. B., Lambert, M. J. and Forman, E. M. (2002), The Psychotherapy Dose-Response Effect and Its Implications for Treatment Delivery Services. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 9: 329–343. doi:10.1093/clipsy.9.3.329

Is your therapist covered by your workplace insurance? 

Can you afford the number of required sessions to help you by either using your insurance coverage or paying ‘out of pocket’?

Not all mental health care practitioners are covered by workplace insurance programs. Clients who don’t review their workplace insurance prior to receiving psychological services can find themselves feeling very disappointed, and out of a lot of money when they find out that they are not covered for their sessions. It’s important to find out how much coverage you have, and to figure out how much ‘out of pocket’ money you’ll need to be able to attend sessions consistently and until a significant change has been realized. It’s important to learn at the outset about how many sessions you’ll be able to afford with your insurance coverage and the ability to pay ‘out of pocket’.

Registered psychologists tend to be covered by most workplace insurance programs. However, if you are seeing a psychotherapist or social worker, you’ll want to verify whether their services are covered under your program. At Centre For Interpersonal Relationships (CFIR), psychotherapists and social workers are supervised by a registered clinical psychologist, and receipts are issued under the supervising psychologist. Some insurance companies will accept these circumstances, while others will not. It’s up to you to verify with your insurer whether your insurer will cover your sessions.

Since most individuals will require more sessions than their insurance covers, it’s important for you to evaluate whether you can afford to pay for sessions ‘out of pocket’ once your insurance has run out. It’s important to have these discussions with your therapist to ensure that your treatment is not disrupted by lack of financial resources. Based on your insurance, and ability to ‘pay out-of-pocket’, your therapist may determine given your presenting concerns, that other treatment options may be better for you (i.e., workshops or group therapy, or seeing a psychotherapist or joining our Reduced Cost Services program). In the event that you find yourself out of insurance dollars, and your ability to pay ‘out of pocket’ reduced, you may want to alter the number of sessions you attend per month or take a break from therapy until which point your workplace insurance kicks in again.

CFIR offers you different options to ensure accessibility and affordability of services. If you have run out of insurance and are having difficulties paying for services ‘out of pocket’, our counsellors, who are supervised by our psychologists, can be seen for a fraction of the cost of seeing a psychologist. Referral to counsellors at CFIR is seamless and ensures continuity of your treatment with minimal disruptions.

by: Roselin Leonard, Internal & External Relationships Manager

Monday, January 15, 2018 (the third Monday in January) marked what’s come to be known as Blue Monday, also known as “the most depressing day of the year”. A time when the impact of holiday spending, frigid temperatures, and long carb-loaded days laden with low motivation hits hard.

While the theory behind Blue Monday has yet to be scientifically proven, symptoms of the winter blues feel undeniable for many of us. According to CAMH British Columbia, 2-3% of Canadians will experience Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D) in their lifetime. This makes up about 10% of all depression cases.

When Kai Black, Executive Producer at CBC Music in Toronto, heard about the Blue Monday phenomena, he knew it was a great starting point for a discussion about mental wellness at CBC. He envisioned an event that would raise mental health awareness and offer valuable resources to help counteract the effects of Blue Monday. Once his vision was realized, the wheels of action were set in motion.

Kai engaged CBC Toronto’s abilicrew –an amazing ‘Employee Resource Group’ for CBC employees with disabilities and their allies– to create something great. Let’s just say, they did not disappoint. The team transformed Kai’s idea into ‘Beat Blue Monday’, now an annual event.

“The event today rose out of a need to communicate to staff that this is not just the saddest day of the year, but it’s a good day to find out how you can deal with your own sadness at this time.” – Kai Black

Centre For Interpersonal Relationships (CFIR) was thrilled to be invited back to ‘Beat Blue Monday’ alongside other local exhibitors for yesterday’s festivities at the Toronto Broadcasting Centre. More exciting than the invitation itself was the opportunity to connect with employees eager to learn more about mental and physical wellness and strategies to beat the blues.

The entertainment was fun, informative and elevated the festivities to another memorable level!

CFIR Clinical Director and psychologist, Dr. Lila Z. Hakim, C. Psych. joined CBC personalities including the host of CBC Radio’s Day 6, Brent Bambury, CBC Sports host Scott Russell, and CBC Music’s Raina Douris and Angeline Tetteh-Wayoe in a game show testing their ’emotional intelligence’.

Lisa Clarkson (Executive Director, Business & Rights and Content Optimization at CBC and Executive Sponsor for the Beat Blues Monday Event) introduced the ‘Mayfield Magnetics’, the top Grade 12 vocal jazz class in Ontario and the winners of 2016’s CBC Music Class Challenge.

‘Beat Blue Monday’ 2018 was a wonderful experience. Sincere congratulations to Kai Black, Helen Kugler, Sylvie MacLean, CBC’s Engagement & Inclusion team, the CBC Toronto’s EAP, the abilicrew, DiversifyCBC and outCBC for a successful event and for their ongoing commitment to–and investment in–the mental wellness of CBC employees.

Think you might have a case of the winter blues? 

Dr. Lila Z. Hakim, C. Psych. offers a few helpful tips below to start feeling good again **:

Nourish Your Body

Many of us experience cravings for certain foods when the winter season blows in and our bodies develop a yen for carbohydrates. Carbohydrates are directly linked to the production of the neurotransmitter serotonin, an emotion regulator that helps you feel emotionally stable, less anxious, calmer, more focused and energetic.

When that 3 p.m. craving for a savoury or sweet snack hits, it’s your body’s way of self-medicating, seeking to improve your mood by boosting your serotonin levels. Listen to your body and give yourself that much-needed serotonin lift.

Instead of calorie-dense, sugary breads and sweets that offer a quick mood-boost and then a crash, consider healthier alternatives such as fruits, nuts, and yogurt.

Get Active!

Physical activity increases not only the calming neurotransmitter serotonin, but also increases dopamine, the emotion and pleasure neurotransmitter, and endorphins, your pain-relief and pleasure neurotransmitters. Incorporating movement into your day (climbing stairs, going for a walk, etc.) gives your body the activity it needs to keep your mood up throughout the day.

Make Sleep a Priority

Sleeping excessively (or hibernating) is normal in the winter and is often a reaction to the cold, but for some, ongoing insomnia or difficulties falling or staying asleep create difficulties that can lead to the blues. Provide yourself with a space at home that includes comforting objects (such as a warm blanket, beautiful objects, etc.) to calm your stress hormones. Aim to get exactly the amount of sleep you need to feel fully rested and ask a professional if you are unsure about how much rest is the ideal amount.

Do Things that Light You Up

Find activities in your life that give you a sense of pleasure and meaning, that involve curiosity, exploration, and interest­–this could be collecting or building things, researching something you love like travelling, or caring for other people. Artistic endeavours like creating and listening to remarkable music are also great options. Pleasure, curiosity, exploration, and interest all stimulate dopamine, which makes you feel exhilarated and alive!

Which strategies do you find most effective for curing winter blues? Feel free to share your comments or feedback below.

(**Note: If you or a person you know is experiencing regular symptoms of depression, it is important to seek medical attention from a physician. If you don’t have a family doctor, click here for additional information and options via Ontario.ca.)

By: Kamala Pilgrim, Ph.D., C. Psych (Interim Autonomous Practice)

It’s the time of year again when millions of us are thinking about all the goals we want to achieve. We typically start off excited to follow through with our well-intentioned resolutions. We say to ourselves with conviction, “This year I’m making some changes!” Our lives seem fresh and rife with opportunity – but by about January 10th we run out of steam, begin avoiding, or just give up on our goals. Psychologists note that one of the reasons resolutions tend to dissolve rapidly is because it is difficult to withstand the discomforts that are part and parcel of making changes. The ability to tolerate and adapt to challenges with a sense of awareness, openness, and focus, and taking effective actions that are guided by what we truly value, is key to creating and maintaining the life you want (Harris, 2008). Following are seven strategies to help you begin to move in the direction of your dreams:

1. Get crystal clear on your values

Resolutions are often framed as goals and not based on our core values. The difference is a value is a path on which we would like to continue moving over time while a goal is an outcome that we can reach…or not (Harris, 2008). The desire to be energetic is an example of a value, whereas wanting to join a gym is a goal. It is more effective for goals to follow our values, not the other way around. When our values are foremost, our lives develop greater meaning as our decisions are rooted in what we really care about. We also are more willing to make an effort if we understand how we believe attaining our objective will enhance our life.

To get started on clarifying your values, ask yourself the following:

• What matters most to you in life?
• How do you wish to feel each day?
• How do you want to interact with yourself and others?

2.  Adopt S.M.A.R.T goals

Next, consider resolutions that reflect these core values. e.g., If you want to feel more enthusiastic, what actions can you take to get there? 

Break these down into smaller steps based on behaviours you can do that are: 

• Specific 

• Measurable 

• Achievable

• Results-based and

• Time-bound

Develop short-term (can be done in the next few days and weeks), medium-range (can be done in a month or two), and long-term (can be done in the following six months) objectives that are in line with these S.M.A.R.T criteria.

3. Visualize

Regularly reflecting on your values is critical to making them paramount to your life. It is important to remember what matters most to you and to allow those factors to seep into your psyche. Spend a few minutes every day, picturing in vivid detail how you will feel, act, and behave toward yourself and others when you are making choices in accordance with your values. Engage all five of your senses in this process whenever possible.

4. Know your pitfalls and trick your future self

Track your efforts to meet goals. Then reflect on times when you tend to fold in the face of temptation, throw in the towel, or procrastinate. Use this knowledge to set your future self up for success. (e.g., If you notice you never get out to the gym once you’ve arrived home from work, pack your workout bag the night before and go right after you leave the office.)

5. Welcome hiccups 

Develop and practice a self-compassionate attitude toward setbacks which will inevitably come. Instead of berating yourself, speak to yourself at these times the way you would to someone you love. 

6. Practice mindfulness 

Mindfulness is a state of awareness that involves paying full attention, on purpose, to everything happening in the present moment, without judgment (Kabat-Zinn, 2012). Since we spend so much of our time either worrying about the future or dwelling on the past, we miss out on the now, which is the only place where our power to make changes lies. Though a by-product of this practice is that the things we observe such as, distressing thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations will decrease in intensity, it is not the purpose. The aim is to make space for these experiences without resisting or attempting to escape them and to return to your core values to guide your actions. Doing this will both sharpen areas of the brain that govern self-control and build tolerance of uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, and sensations. You can begin to develop this skill by practicing the following meditation every day:

“Sit in a chair or crossed-legged on a pillow. Take five, deep, smooth breaths in and out. On the end of your fifth exhalation, allow your breath to flow in naturally without any attempt to control it. As you breathe in mentally say the words, “inhale”, as you breathe out, mentally say, “exhale”. When the mind shifts to thoughts, practice noticing them as if they are clouds passing through the sky, and come back to your meditation. When an emotion arises, bring awareness to where you feel it in your body and breathe into and around the area(s) providing it with as much space as possible. Return to your meditation.”

Start with two minutes of meditation practice and work your way up to fifteen to twenty minutes. 

As you pursue your values and related goals, unhelpful thoughts and emotions (I.e., those that would take you away from your values if you give them credence) will emerge. Use a similar strategy of gently acknowledging them and coming back to focusing your attention on the choices that align you with your most cherished values in the present moment. 

7. Make goal engagement rewarding

If we are constantly in self-control mode, your body and brain will surely rebel. As much as possible, pair your goals with something pleasurable: e.g., Write in your favourite café, light scented candles while doing housework, exercise while listening to music you enjoy. 

Just make sure that whatever your chosen accompaniment, it is guided by your core values.

If you put these techniques into practice on a consistent basis, you can make some gains in achieving your goals. 

Psychologists at CFIR are also available to offer you support in defining and sticking to your objectives this new year and beyond!

For more information please see the following sources: 

• Harris, R. (2008). The Happiness Trap: How to stop struggling and start living. Boston, MA: Trumpeter.
• Kabat-Zinn, J. (2012). Mindfulness for Beginners: Reclaiming the present moment – and your life. Boulder, CO: Sounds True.
• McGonigal, K. (2012). The willpower instinct: How self-control works, why it matters, and what you can do to get more of it. New York, NY: Avery.

There are different times when someone may need to access psychological assessment services.

Take, for example, situations where a family physician or a vocational rehabilitation organization refers a patient for evaluation through psychological tests. Or when an assessment needs to happen as part of an initial intake with a mental health professional.

Psychological assessment contributes important information to the understanding of individual characteristics and capabilities, through the collection, integration, and interpretation of information about an individual (Groth-Marnat, 2009; Weiner, 2003).

One of the key objectives for testing is to identify the factors that have contributed to concerns related to an individual’s emotional or mental health. At CFIR, depending on your concerns, and our assessment (and any diagnosis if rendered or requested), we will make recommendations about whether a specific treatment approach or a combination of approaches may be required to help you with your problem.

CFIR’s Assessment Services offer comprehensive, scientific and evidence-based psychological evaluations for children, adolescents, adults, and couples.

1.    The Adoption Assessment Service offers comprehensive psychological assessments for individuals and couples who are considering adopting a child. Our clinical psychologists are highly trained and have conducted numerous adoption assessments of caregivers and families wanting to adopt children domestically or internationally (e.g., South Korea, Philippines, Columbia). Click here for more information.

2.    The Alcohol & Drug Evaluation Service offers comprehensive psychological assessments of your own or your loved one’s alcohol and drug use. Our clinical psychologists use the information acquired to determine whether alcohol and/or drug use diagnoses are applicable and outline treatment plans for those wanting or needing to change their substance use. Click here for more information.

3.   The Attention Deficit & ADHD Assessment Service offers comprehensive, scientific and evidence-based psychological assessments for children, adolescents and adults struggling with attentional issues or disorders. These assessments are administered when individuals have experienced struggles with attention, concentration and/or hyperactivity that have negatively impacted academic or work performance or relationships. Click here for more information.

4.    The Autism Spectrum & Developmental Disorder Assessment Service provides comprehensive, scientific, evidence-based psychological testing to children, adolescents and adults to render or clarify diagnoses of autism spectrum or developmental disorders. 

There is a great deal of research that suggests that early identification and treatment of autism spectrum disorders can lead to significant improvements in an individual’s life. An assessment is the first step in the process; we can identify whether a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder is applicable or not and make recommendations so that appropriate treatment can be put in place in the community as well as at school. Click here for more information.

5.    The Career & Vocational Assessment Service provides comprehensive psychological evaluations to support you or your loved one to find a new career that is best suited to your needs, interests, strengths, and goals. We provide a thorough assessment that uses a variety of scientific, evidence-based questionnaires to assess various factors (e.g., occupational interests) that are important in clarifying your career possibilities. Click here for more information

6.    The Couples & Pre-Marital Assessment Service provides new couples or couples in long-term relationships a comprehensive assessment of their couple relationship for the purpose of helping partners to identify their relationship strengths and address areas of difficulty within the relationship. Click here for more information.

7.   The Disability, Injury & Accident Assessment Service offers comprehensive psychological assessments of mental health symptoms, physical symptoms, and functioning in many domains (e.g., home, school, leisure). There are other symptoms and concerns that can occur following an accident, traumatic injury, or the onset of a physical illness or disability. These can include but are not limited to, depression, anxiety, trauma (PTSD), acute and chronic stress, adjustment to transitions and loss, functional impairments, and physical symptoms (e.g., chronic pain, fatigue). Click here for more information.

8.  The Fertility & Third-Party Reproduction Assessment Service provides individuals, couples and third-parties (i.e., donors or surrogates and their partners) with psychosocial assessments/counselling in preparation for all forms of assisted reproduction as required by a fertility clinic or lawyer. Click here for more information.

9.   The Immigration & Refugee Assessment Service provides comprehensive psychological evaluations for foreign-born (i.e., outside of Canada) adolescents and adults who have applied for residency through the Immigration and Refugee Board. Click here for information.

10.  The Neuropsychological Assessment Service provides comprehensive psychological assessments to support clients in understanding their brain functioning as it relates to emotions, behaviour, and cognition. Click here for information.

11.   The Personality & Interpersonal Functioning Assessment Service offers comprehensive psychological evaluations of you and your loved one’s personality and interpersonal functioning. Typically, these types of assessments provide important information about the habitual ways that you tend to think, emotionally react and relate to others in everyday life. This information is important as some individuals struggle in everyday life as a result of some features of their personality and their manner of engagement with others and this blocks them from living a rich, meaningful and purposeful existence (e.g., developing and reaching personal goals, creating greater self-resilience, and developing strong relationships with others). Click here for information.

12.  The Psychodiagnosis & Mental Health Assessment Service offers comprehensive psychological evaluations of your or your loved one’s mental health concerns. Psychodiagnostic assessments provide a framework to understand your current psychological or psychiatric symptoms, challenges, and strengths. Click here for information.

13.   The Psychoeducation Assessment Service offers comprehensive psychoeducational assessments for children, adolescents and adults for the purpose of assessing cognitive and intellectual functioning, attention deficits and ADHD, learning challenges and giftedness. Click here for information.

14.  The Trauma & Dissociation Assessment Service offers comprehensive psychological evaluations of symptoms associated with traumatic experiences for the purpose of providing or clarifying diagnoses including Acute Stress, Adjustment, Post-Traumatic Stress, complex PTSD or Dissociative Disorders, and making treatment recommendations to address your concerns and struggles. Click here for information.

Contact us today to book your initial appointment. Services provided through CFIR are covered by most private extended insurance plans as well as Medavie/BlueCross (RCMP, Veterans Affairs, Canadian Armed Forces) and CUPE. CFIR Psychologists are also recognized as approved providers of the Canadian Interim Federal Health Program (IFHP) for Refugees.

We believe that everyone should be able to access quality services and receive optimal psychological care. Let us know if you would like to learn about our accessible low fee psychological treatment & assessment services options.

Call us now further information about the psychological services offered through our Ottawa and Toronto locations or to book a session with one of our counsellors. 

written by Sue McGarvie, M.A., sexwithsue.com

Every year researchers come up with new studies that outline the best way to stay connected with your significant other. Much of the advice seems like common sense. But even as a Sex and Relationship Therapist, I have to remember to be mindful and find time to really focus on my partner with these ideas. 

1. Stay positive

“It’s not surprising that the more positive a person is, the more likely they’ll be happy in their relationships. What’s interesting is just how much it matters.

In a study from the University of Chicago, researchers found that when a husband has a high level of positivity, there’s less conflict in his relationship. Likewise, the way partners respond to each other’s good news matters too. In a study published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers found that the way couples react to each other’s good news—either with excitement, pride, or indifference—is crucial in forming a strong bond.”

2. Have a life outside of your partner

Not only is it important to have something interesting to talk about at the end of the day, outside friendships can help reinforce the couple connection. This doesn’t mean losing emotional intimacy with your husband or wife. It just means that married couples have a lot to gain by fostering their relationships with family members and friends. The happiest couples, she says, are those who have interests and support “beyond the twosome.”

3. Have fun together and do new things

It’s really easy to get in a rut. Doing things that are out of your comfort zone together creates hard-to-break bonds. This also means just having fun together. Research from The University of Denver shows that couples who make time for fun activities tend to stay together longer:

“The more you invest in fun and friendship and being there for your partner, the happier the relationship will get over time,” says Howard Markman, a psychologist who co-directs the university’s Center for Marital and Family Studies.

“The correlation between fun and marital happiness is high, and significant.”

4. Make time for great sex

Yes, I think sex is critical for relationships. Life can get in the way of being sexy. And as partners feel pushed away they are less likely to initiate. And sex starts to feel awkward. Being able to communicate about what your sexual needs are and asking for what you need sexually is something I often facilitate between spouses in my office.

Anthony Lyons, a study co-author and research fellow at La Trobe, said the main lesson from the study is that couples need to learn how to communicate about their sexual needs or their reasons for not wanting sex.

“Couples need to talk about the frequency of sex,” Dr. Anthony said in an e-mail. “Talking openly about sex and finding a middle ground with regard to frequency appears to be very important for overall sexual and relationship satisfaction.”

It might seem silly to do something like scheduling time for intimacy, but it’s important to open up the dialogue about your sex life to dedicate some time to just be with each other.”

5. Explore communication and the division of labour

Communication can be all important when it comes to impacting the relationship. I have a rule with my clients that they have to learn to talk about issues holding hands and maintaining eye contact. It helps. Understanding that if you can maintain your clam and learn to fight fair (here are the rules) then it goes a long way to settling the differences between couples.

Stop fighting about money, and quit talking about big issues by email or text.

Good communication takes effort, it’s hard, and it doesn’t always go smoothly. But when you let small things fester and don’t communicate, problems arise. Studies show that it’s usually money that causes this rift, but every relationship has its own set of issues that need to get worked through.

“Quit hashing out problems over text messages: Technology has a knack for disrupting relationships, but one study pinpointed that couples who deal with fights over text have a lower relationship quality. This means couples who used text messages to apologize or work out differences instead of having face to face conversations tended to report unhappiness. That said, positive texts like the occasional “I love you” are still great, just stop trying to work complicated things out over SMS.”

I hear about how exhausted the women who visit my office are feeling. Some of it is self-inflicted in that they want to entertain perfectly or have a Martha Stewart-esque Christmas. But many of them are working full time and then come home to another full-time job consisting of cooking, cleaning, shopping, child care, etc. Feeling overwhelmed and tired is one of the top reasons women are less interested in sex. 

Contribute to the household chores: In a small-scale study, UCLA researchers tracked the lives of several relationships over the course of 4 years. Their conclusions? Couple who have a system to handle household chores and who evenly disperse those chores are a lot happier. So, when your significant other makes the suggestion that you do the dishes now and again, just do it.

Read more about our Relationship & Sex Therapy Service.

by: Dr. Tracy Dalgleish, C. Psych.

Holidays bring us a lot of joy. But the increased demands and events at this time of year can also bring us a lot of stress. We tend to say that we are ‘too busy’ to tackle stress and instead of trying to manage it, we push ourselves to get through each day. Come January, many clients end up in my office burnt out. Managing your stress does not have to take hours each day. Just a few short minutes each day can help you not only cope during this busy time, but also prevent burn out down the road.
Here are ten tips that take less than 15 minutes each day to help you manage stress.

1. Go for a 15-minute brisk walk. It could be around the building during a break, or around the block when you get home.
2. Take ten, slow, intentional breaths. Breathe in through your nose counting to six, and exhale slowly through your nose counting to six. Try this while taking a shower, or standing in line at a store.
3. Notice five things. Whether you are sitting in your office, in traffic, or watching your children play, say to yourself, ‘I notice the license plate in front of me,’ ‘I notice the red book on my shelf,’ or ‘I notice the colour of the lights.’
4. 5-4-3-2-1 with your senses. Notice five things with your sense of sight (see previous). Notice four things with your sense of touch – the roughness of the chair you are sitting on, the smooth edge of the table, the warmth of your coffee cup. Notice three things you hear – the hum of the computer, a car buzzing by, a door opening. Notice two things with your sense of taste (e.g., the taste of toothpaste left in your mouth after brushing your teeth) and smell (e.g., the smell of fresh air). Take one deep breath in through the nose and slowly out through the nose.
5. Talk to a friend, lover, or co-worker. Sharing with a significant other about what is contributing to your stress can help you problem solve or work through your emotions.
6. Listen to music. It can be soothing to listen to music that puts you in a good mood.
7. Try a guided relaxation or mindfulness exercise. I recommend this “Leaves on the Stream” exercise on YouTube. You can also download the app Head Space and get ten free short exercises to try each day.
8. Let go of unhelpful thoughts. We all have them – the thoughts of worry, the thoughts of “what if,” the thoughts of the worst-case scenario, or predicting the future. First acknowledge that you are having these unhelpful thoughts, then try letting go of your thoughts and focusing on what you are doing in the moment.
9. Stretch. We could learn a lot from watching a dog or cat. Every time they move, they stretch! Try lifting your arms over your head with a breath in, and as you let the breath out bringing your arms back down.
10. Make a list. Writing out your to-do items can help unload the mental energy of trying to remember everything you want to get done. Try breaking items down into small, achievable tasks, and prioritizing items.

Finally, if stress becomes too difficult to manage, reach out for help. Trained psychologists and therapists are available at CFIR to help you manage stress, depression, and anxiety.