By Laura Moore MPsy.
You know that moment—when you walk away from a conversation with a lump in your throat, your chest tight, your jaw locked, and your inner voice screaming, “Why didn’t I just say it?” That’s self-silencing. And whether it shows up as a forced smile, a nod you don’t mean, or biting your tongue again—it’s not just frustrating. It’s exhausting.
Here’s the truth: we self-silence because we’re trying to stay safe. Somewhere along the way, we learned that speaking up might get us criticized, rejected, or even abandoned. So we played small. We became the easy one, the chill one, the don’t-make-it-a-big-deal one.
But let me be clear: that silence comes at a cost.
When we mute our truth, our relationships suffer. We crave closeness, but we keep hiding the very parts of us that would create it. We resent others for not meeting needs we never voiced. And at work? We play it safe, stay in the background, and wonder why we feel invisible.
Spoiler: you can’t be seen when you’re constantly shrinking.
So what do we do?
We get honest. Ask yourself: What am I afraid will happen if I speak up? And what’s already happening because I don’t? Don’t just brush past that question—sit with it.
Then try this: one act of micro-bravery a day. Say one true thing. Out loud. Even if your voice shakes. Even if your hands do too, truth builds trust—not just with others, but with yourself.
And here’s what matters most: self-validation. You’re not waiting for someone else to say it’s okay to speak—you get to say that to yourself. That voice you once silenced to stay safe? It’s time to meet it with compassion. You can be the one now who says, “I hear you.” That’s how we begin to build a home inside ourselves where truth is welcome.
You weren’t put on this planet to blend in. You were made to be seen, heard, and known.
It’s time to stop trading authenticity for approval.
Speak up.
Show up.
The real you is not too much—it’s just been waiting for permission.
And here’s the secret: you don’t need it. You are the one who gets to give it!
Laura Moore, MPsy., is an integrative therapist at the Centre for Interpersonal Relationships (CFIR) in Toronto, specializing in helping individuals and couples navigate the emotional complexities of fertility, identity, and intimate relationships. With a deep understanding of how early patterns of self-silencing, perfectionism, and people-pleasing impact adult connection, Laura creates a safe, nonjudgmental space to explore grief, loss, relational boundaries, and self-worth. She supports clients through transitions such as fertility treatments, separation, infidelity, and rebuilding after emotional trauma. Laura is passionate about helping people reclaim their voice, deepen self-trust, and cultivate relationships that honour both authenticity and connection.
