When people think of pride, they often see it as a flaw—something excessive, even dangerous. But is pride always a vice, or can it sometimes be a virtue? At its best, pride isn’t about showing off or seeking praise. It is a deep, quiet confidence in our ability to act, a felt sense that we can shape our lives, make choices, and move forward with purpose. When we hold this kind of pride, the world can feel more open to us—we trust in our ability to take on challenges and follow through on what truly matters to us.
The opposite of pride is shame. We experience shame when our sense of “I Can” turns into an “I Can’t.” Shame makes us feel small, incapable, and stuck. It is the sense that we can’t do what we need to do, that we don’t belong, or that we’ve somehow lost our footing in the world. When people feel deep shame, they often withdraw, hesitate, and stop believing in their own ability to act. It is not just a painful feeling; it is a way of being that weakens us over time.
But just as too little pride can leave us trapped in shame, too much of it can lead us astray. When pride becomes overinflated, it turns into arrogance—a fragile mask that hides insecurity. And when we try to escape shame by refusing to reflect on our actions, we fall into shamelessness—a state where nothing truly matters, not even ourselves.
True pride is neither boastful nor careless. It is the quiet assurance of someone who moves forward, not because they need to prove anything, but because they know they can. It is the steady foundation that allows us to engage with life fully, with both courage and humility.
If you’ve ever struggled to tell the difference between healthy pride and arrogance, or found yourself stuck in self-doubt, consider what has helped you feel strong and capable in the past. What does pride look like when it’s at its best in your life? If these questions feel difficult to answer, or if you would like to explore these topics further, seeking out mental health services with therapist can help you reconnect with a sense of confidence that is both grounded and lasting.
Dr. Garri Hovhannisyan, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist in supervised practice in Toronto, offering therapy and psychological assessment services for a wide range of client concerns. He employs a collaborative and therapeutic approach to assessment, aiding clients in achieving self-understanding and personal growth. Integrating evidence-based therapy with insights from philosophy and cognitive science, he practices under the supervision of Dr. Brent Mulrooney, Ph.D., C. Psych., at the Centre for Interpersonal Relationships.
Bibliography
Husserl, E. (1970). The crisis of European sciences and transcendental phenomenology: An introduction to phenomenological philosophy (D. Carr, Trans.). Northwestern University Press. (Original work published 1954)
Merleau-Ponty, M. (1962). The phenomenology of perception (C. Smith, Trans.). Routledge. (Original work published 1945)
Merleau-Ponty, M. (1963). The structure of behavior (A. Fisher, Trans.). Duquesne University Press. (Original work published 1942)
